Guest ASchwartz Posted July 27, 2011 Report Share Posted July 27, 2011 Sissagwaad, I don't know what your agenda is but constantly sermonzing about your irrational anti medication philosophy is not helpful, nor is you constantly sermonizing about spirituality. This is a mental help site, not an anti psychology or anti psychiatry site. You must stop. What you are doing is not helpful to people who are in a lot of pain, nor is your attitude that all you have to do is decide to feel better and you will. Take this as a warning from me.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 27, 2011 Report Share Posted July 27, 2011 Al, have you listened to the message, in that link? How is it you 'make me up' as not being all on the same page? offering suggestions on how each of us can optimize our time here, in the interests of effectively fascilitating mental health. Countless Doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, and notable people around the world applaud what is being offered and taught. If you have the time, perhaps you might find it useful to attend a course yourself? ps i am in no way connected to them, nor have i even taken a course, but i have followed and studied their experiences and worldwide successes for over 20years.Kindly do not assume, (perhaps you could ask to clarify instead,) 'my attitude being all you have to do is decide to feel better and you will.' That is misleading and downright wrong.Its more about understanding, and appreciating the simple SBR factor in determining the flavor of all our experiences. Chemicals, Shmemicals, are simply the vehicle, not the cause, of the resultant emotional or physical experience. Doesn't that make any sense to you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 Strangely enough sissa it makes some sense to me. I also do believe in medications though. Tonight I bought an engagement ring. Even if I have to suffer until I die there is no reason my girlfriend shouldn't be happy. I want to be with her and have kids but I don't know if god will allow me that. I have confessed and said I am sorry. Not sure how far that goes with Him. I know I was a devout follower before all of this so that has to count for something right? I just want to get this stuff out of my head. Going on with what I want ....is that a good way to get there? I am considering having sex...we talked about it but I don't want to fail. This is from a girl that knows all of my past. Whatcha think? It is so hard to tell given the arousal I experienced with the boys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 Strangely enough sissa it makes some sense to me. I also do believe in medications though. Tonight I bought an engagement ring. Even if I have to suffer until I die there is no reason my girlfriend shouldn't be happy. I want to be with her and have kids but I don't know if god will allow me that. I have confessed and said I am sorry. Not sure how far that goes with Him. I know I was a devout follower before all of this so that has to count for something right? I just want to get this stuff out of my head. Going on with what I want ....is that a good way to get there? I am considering having sex...we talked about it but I don't want to fail. This is from a girl that knows all of my past. Whatcha think? It is so hard to tell given the arousal I experienced with the boys.First off, congrats on buying the ring.Second, stop worrying about problems that could arise during intimacy. You don't have any sufficient reason to believe you'll have trouble, and dwelling on the possibilities is simply cotastrophizing, Even if you had trouble, wouldn't your girlfriend be understanding? She knows your history and she knows your problems. Do you really think she'd just assume she doesn't "turn you on?" You've got to give her some credit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest SomethingOrOther Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 I assume you don't want to hear my opinion about your religion and it might well have a problem with my suggestion. However, I'd find it reasonable if you took the time to know your bodies and their reactions, so that you get more comfortable with each others physicality, before you "have sex to make babies". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 OK, Siss,In plain and simple terms, you do not know what you are talking about. You claim expertise when you have none. You advance opinions that run the danger of incorrectly influencing people here. It is dangerous for you to be telling people here that medications are wrong. Once again, I am warning you. This is not a matter of opinion. You are irresponsible, period.Dr. Schwartz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sissagwaad Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 ?????? Wow......how professional of you Allan.... you suggest I'm irresponsible? that "I" don't know what I'm talking about?I do not claim any expertise. I am not, and have not said medications are wrong, per-se. I simply suggest the greatest of caution, and to do ones own research, rather than blindly trusting the system, such as it is. thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 I feel terrible guys. All this was was an attempt for me to get some idea of what to do because of some bone headed clicks I made on the internet. Do I know what I want? Yeah....my wife and family. Does she know what I did? Yep. I really don't feel all that much better knowing that I have caused all of this turmoil. Allan, I know I have gotten upset at you, when all you have done is try to help. My problem has strictly to do with the crap on the internet that I looked up.....the speedo pictures (that maybe I did not use at all but that are on what others termed pedophilic websites), the whole Chippendiddys mess (again, not illegal, but others term it pedophilic, but there it is on YouTube) and a few stories. I feel like crap because common sense says not to look at this crap, and here I am a classroom teacher with two degrees. I thought I was smart. I know now I am not. I don't want anyone to get upset over this post. I am just looking for answers in a time when I really do not know what to do with my life. Should I go for the marriage? She knows everything. I am nervous about my arousals with the boys and have since stopped seeing them. This has depressed me a lot, but maybe it is for the best. I just don't know what to do. I cry almost every day about how stupid I was and now seeing everyone get a little upset on here, makes me think that I have done more harm than good in this world. I just don't know what to do next.I bought a ring and am ready to propose. I don't want to fail at sexual relations. I am scared to live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 29, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 On another note, as far as sex goes, I am wondering if I should try it or not. I guess the only thing that I would regret more is knowing I didn't try to become a father if I had the ability all along. I don't know. She says she would not be opposed to trying. What the heck do I do now? Have sex with the thoughts of children on my mind? I wish I were anyone but me right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 29, 2011 Report Share Posted July 29, 2011 My honest opinion: Go for it. You'll never know until you try. You don't want to live your life thinking "What if?"As far as the argument between Sissa and Allan goes, it was bound to happen anyway. If it didn't happen in this thread, it would have happened in mine or someone else's. The very same conversation was going on in my own thread. This wasn't your fault. There's no point in feeling guilty about something that you KNOW you didn't cause. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2011 On a vacation with my girlfriend. Kinda nice.....just dying to be free of my memories. I am such a nice guy.....really! I never thought I would be in this mess. Hoping meds kick in soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted July 31, 2011 Report Share Posted July 31, 2011 On a vacation with my girlfriend. Kinda nice.....just dying to be free of my memories. I am such a nice guy.....really! I never thought I would be in this mess. Hoping meds kick in soon!You notice that you said your vacation is "Kinda nice?" A few months back, you'd have never been able to say that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted July 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2011 Not that its important to anyone else, but FyI, Allan, the 'expert,' continues to demonstrate his colors, in writing and advising me i've now got a 'black mark' against me....for clarifying myself below????? i continue to be amazed (by the choices some make) continued love and support, Sissagwaad (gentle spirit of the wind, if anyone cares to ask or to Google )I still do not understand the whole choices argument Sissa. Why would I choose to stay unhappy? that logic just baffles me. Please enlighten me......what "choice" would you make if you were me to feel better? I would love to have that epiphany. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted August 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 I just want to move on....how? :confused: I had so many happy years...why get crushed now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Soregretful and everyone,Sissa has been permanently banned.Second, you need to focus your attention on positive things in your life. None of us can stop thinking about something but, what we can do is to substitute by thinking of pleasant and positive things. That is hard to do but it's helpful when dealing with obsessional thinking. What positive things do you wish for? Can you imagine them, see them, feel them, savor them? Why not try and let us know how it worked? Sit back and try to do it for ten minutes. Pick something ideal for yourself. Don't worry about being realistic. Use your imagination.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hey Allan, can you please clarify and further explain the advice you just gave SR? I also suffer from obsessional thoughts, and your advice sounds interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted August 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Ideally....I imagined my wedding day. I imagined the birth of my first child. I was actually caln for a while. I wish I could get my thoughts to leave for a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Ideally....I imagined my wedding day. I imagined the birth of my first child. I was actually caln for a while. I wish I could get my thoughts to leave for a long time.SR, are you saying that you've fallen back into the frame of mind you were previously in? I certainly hope not...First off, just think about it. You remained calm for a while. You saw that it's possible. You saw that it's possible to be happy again, which is something you NEVER would have believed when you first joined up here.Second, there's a reason that you started to feel better. You heard some excellent advice from your mother and took it to heart. You knew that it was the correct advice and decided to listen. Continue listening to that advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi Musicman,Obsessing means you have a thought or thoughts that will not leave your mind. If you try to stop thinking about it, the thoughts only continue. Instead, the idea is to think about something else, something really fun and bath yourself in that for a few m.minutes each day. Take a look at our self help se tion on meditation.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted August 4, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 4, 2011 Well,Is there a chance it will be so remote I won't even remember it? I can't live every day thinking I am a terrible person. I am really a good person. I am a very respected teacher and I just want to be happy. Sleep really is the only way out of this for me. I messed up really bad, didn't I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Musicman Posted August 5, 2011 Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 Well,Is there a chance it will be so remote I won't even remember it? I can't live every day thinking I am a terrible person. I am really a good person. I am a very respected teacher and I just want to be happy. Sleep really is the only way out of this for me. I messed up really bad, didn't I? You see, you and I have very differing opinions on what it means to mess up. Granted, what I did was much worse, but I don't see how you really messed up. If you never felt guilt about this, no one's life would have changed. I've said this over and over, but this was a victimless "crime." Now, I messed up badly, but even I don't think I deserve a life of misery, ESPECIALLY because I know that I'm a good person deep down. Correct me if you think otherwise.You are a good person, and sleep isn't the only way out. Don't start convincing yourself of that because it's not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted August 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 I feel so bad for my parents. My brother is in a lot of physical pain and I am going through all of this crap. They are so sad. Both of their sons have mentioned suicide in the past year. They are the best people ever. Why did we let them down? I just wish there was something I could do to make them a little happy. They deserve so much better than what we are giving them.Messed up, MM, is all I can really say. I am feeling bad because of the websites. Now, correct me if I am wrong, but the only one who went there was me. No one had a gun to my head, and I know I did not search for anything about children, but something may have just come up. Regardless, searching for sexual stories on the internet is a damn stupid thing to do. What the heck was I thinking? I know I looked for some "first time" stories, really wanting to find out what things were like, and this came up. I never in a million years wanted children to be involved. NEVER! I love kids so much and I have a decade of students who love me. The thing I am feeling bad about is something that could have been avoided if I didn't look for risque things on the internet. That is why I say I messed up. I don't get it!!The crummy thing is I was happy less than a year ago. Why all of a sudden? I messed up, yes. I have done so many good things though. Why did I have to look for these crap stories? I am so sad, more for my parents than me. They are gold. They are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I wish I could just make them happy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted August 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 Yeah,Just did a search again.....this happened totally by accident. First time stories generate a lot of things that are distasteful. A lot! I can see this as a total mistake! So why can't I forgive myself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted August 5, 2011 Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 SR,I suggest that you read many of the articles posted by our own, Elisha Goldstein, a clinical psychologist and expert in mindfullness and meditation. He also has many cd's that help in doing this. You need to learn how to distract yourself and to truly get away from these obsessional thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted August 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 SR,I suggest that you read many of the articles posted by our own, Elisha Goldstein, a clinical psychologist and expert in mindfullness and meditation. He also has many cd's that help in doing this. You need to learn how to distract yourself and to truly get away from these obsessional thought.I will do that Allan, thanks! I just want to be rid of these sooner than later. I never even thought about any kind of relationship with a kid. I love kids! I am a teacher! A lot of things I think were accidental, but I guess I have to take responsibility for looking at related content. How long could this take? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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