something's got you sad.... you don't have to talk about it if you don't want...

i'm probably just hormonal. honestly, nothing happened, i'm just thinking about things too much and i don't want to go to work.

Ohhhh, I'm like that when I'm visiting the left brain worry center....

My friends and I saw around 500 dragonflies at once this evening buzzing around a prairie under a gorgeous big cloud darkening sky.... It was so unusual!!

that sounds cool. did you have fun?

Yes!!! I get pretty crazy around prairie plants. I love them. Turns out, dragonflies get crazy too around them.

maybe there's dragonfly in you aswel. i'm glad you had fun.

This is kind of what they look like around here [minus the 500 dragonflies]

they're so pretty

Dragonfly is about breaking the illusions that restrict us..... I wonder if Dragonfly is the totem of CBT

maybe. i'm sorry i'm not very good company now..

No problem, Blossom. I'm heading off to bed. I sure hope the swelling goes down, and I hope you get some sleep....

thanks finding. i hope i fall asleep too and never wake up.

Hi Blossom.

I hope you are feeling better today. You know what when I was out walking today I saw some daisys and I thought of you - did you make that daisy-chain yet. There was some buttercups too - what is it you do with buttercups again? Hold it under your chin or something?

that's pretty finding.

and thanks goose. there's no buttercups or daisies left in the garden now so i'll have to wait til next summer to make my daisy chain i suppose. yeah, you hold it under your chin and if the yellow reflects on your chin it means that you like butter. i think.

right now all i want to do is die. i know that's not a nice thing to say but that's how i feel. i hate my life and i hate everything about me and i don't want to do this anymore. i have been thinking about killing myself all day in work. i nearly walked out in front of a car at lunchbreak but i was too stupid to even go through with that so then i thought about buying lots of painkillers. maybe that would be an easier way to go. i dunno anymore.

even if i had walked out in front of a car that would still make me a bad person because i would hurt the people in the car and that wouldn't be fair for them. i wish i wasn't so bad.

Baby, what's bad about you?

Did someone say something to you, again?

everything's bad about me. no noone said anything to me. i hate my life.

Well, I'd probably hate your life, too, at the moment. But for some reason (me not being depressed, probably) I know that this phase of your life only lasts until you go away to your favorite university in a couple of weeks. So killing yourself now seems kind of pointless.

it's not pointless. i hate my life wherever i am. not just when i'm at home or in work. all the time. college isn't going to change that. i'm don't really care about going to college anyway. it would save everyone a lot of expense if i were gone.

Do you hate other people's lives? I'm pretty sure you don't. So it must be something specific about yours? And you're saying it's "all the time".

Yet, there are a fairly large number of people who know you here who think you're pretty fantastic, and have a lot to contribute. Are we all wrong?

i've only ever lived my life so i dunno whether i hate other people's lives. all i know is that i hate mine.

Yes, I know. But hating "life" is kinda broad.

Can you help me break that down into smaller, more hate-able chunks, please? :-)

i hate me. i hate who i am. i don't know how to break it down anymore than that because i can't make any sense of my feelings.