Worries about pedophilia

[TerrifiedUser]

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[TerrifiedUser]

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[TerrifiedUser]

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[TerrifiedUser]

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[malign]

What's to explain, Terri? Last I heard, stupidity wasn't illegal.

You did some stupid stuff, but you'll get over it, and they either didn't notice at all, or they don't care.

That's my opinion. You can ask 'em if you want, but I'd focus on this obsessive worrying, if I were you.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Terrifieduser,

You are becoming paranoid about this issue. Just refrain viewing porno on the Internet and you will feel better.

Allan:(

[TerrifiedUser]

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[TerrifiedUser]

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[IrmaJean]

Good morning, Terrified.

How are things in your life otherwise? What hobbies do you have? Family? School? Work? Friends? I think all of us would like to get to know you and understand you better. Would you like to share your experiences and feelings about any of this? I hope you have a very peaceful day.

[TerrifiedUser]

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[IrmaJean]

It's great that you enjoy music, Terrified. And writing songs? This is really wonderful! My father played the drums in a band all while I was growing up. I remember on Saturday nights sometimes we'd go out to see his band play. What kind of music do you write? Maybe the next time you feel an urge to do something that doesn't serve you positively, instead go work on a song. Put your energy into the music. Express yourself through it. What do you think?

Friends are great to have, TU. Try not to assume that others might feel negatively about you. I think that all of us likely struggle with our own different challenges...even the women who have shown interest in you. Maybe try getting to know them better. Be gentle with yourself. What aspects of yourself do you like?

Great job on the A's in school!

If you aren't comfortable answering these questions, I am available to talk to through PMs (though likely not for the next week-I'm going on vacation).

Take care, TU.

[TerrifiedUser]

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[TerrifiedUser]

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Edited July 11, 2013 by TerrifiedUser

[TerrifiedUser]

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[shye1]

Hey Terrified, from what I've read of your postings, I don't think I need to be weary of you. I understand the feeling of obsessing over something to where you're incredibly anxious about it.

Let be real, there is always a chance you will be attracted to someone who happens to be younger, it's a common problem among adults, particularly men. Especially because of the law. It's why I've heard about some musicians having their security guards check the ID of everyone around them on tour, backstage, because they don't want to dealing with underage girls. Because you never know and there can be bad repercussions.

But does it necessarily make them pedophiles? Well no, because they're not attracted to young girls in the first place but looks can be deceiving so they try to protect themselves. From what you've said, you're against the idea of being attracted to kids, you're just incredibly anxious about it, which is actually a pretty normal thing to be fearful of. If anything, it shows you've got a conscience.

The fear of it doesn't have to consume your thoughts though and give you terrible anxiety. You might see a picture of a young person and be attracted to it but aren't you innocent of being deceived too?

I assure you, none of us can see you as really having a problem, other than you're obsessive worrying. But we've all got problems, we're all worried about people finding out that "ugly" part of ourselves. At some point though, we've got to make a choice to feel better.

Keep trying as much as you can to consider the point of view that you're not a pedophile. It's ok to look at pictures online but do so at your own risk because there's a lot of stuff out there on the web. Have you thought about getting magazines? They're legal and safer in terms of women being over 18.

Edited April 12, 2010 by shye1

[TerrifiedUser]

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Edited July 11, 2013 by TerrifiedUser

[malign]

So, what did we find out, Terri?

That, again, asking anyone else will get you an answer that doesn't calm your anxieties?

What I hear and what you hear are going to be different, because I'm not tied up in anxiety. To me, it's obvious they're not going to give you carte-blanche: "Okay, no matter what you've done, we swear we would never think of prosecuting you for anything, ever". And your fears won't accept anything less.

What I heard was, "If you report sites that you happen to find that contain CP, we would probably not bother about you, because we would have shut down the site, and the presumption from the very fact of you reporting it would be that you didn't get off on it."

But the question you're asking is, Am I a pedophile?

And you're the only one who can answer that.

Please go find some professional counseling, so that you can find the answer that's waiting inside of you.

[TerrifiedUser]

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[malign]

Terri, I very particularly did not say what would happen if you didn't report them. In most cases you described, you're not sure that what you saw was CP, how can you report them?

I had thought to answer in more depth, but I still think I'm only encouraging you. My personal feeling, and I'm not the pro, David O is, the only thing that will give you any relief is to talk to a therapist about how gripping your worries are.

[raven1976]

I am very scared as what constitutes a pedophile or not as well. I get caught up in younger girls looks but I have anxiety but now I am just think ing I am a pedo and so in a way the anxiety went a way but I dont want to be one. There are so many different pedos some that act some that dont, some that like children only. I am sooo confused. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!

[Symora]

Hi Raven, sounds you have some <jumbledupmind> going on .... How come you're feeling so confused?

Edited April 17, 2010 by Symora

[raven1976]

because for 8 years I have been treated for OCD particularly fear of being a pedophile, but I believe I must truly be one because I get fixated on little girls looks and my t says it is not sexual but I think it is and then people say you can't be a pedophile if you get anxious and yes I do get anxious when I have impulses but then I heard pedophiles get anxious too not just people with OCD and I am soo confused about how you know if you are one.

raven

[David O]

Good morning Terrified,

I was wondering if you remembered these things from our conversation. They apply even more so now than when I said them since you seem so much more entrenched now than a few weeks ago. At this point I can only feel deep compassion and understanding, especially because your life has become filled with such terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. The real issue is not pedophilia, that’s one expression and manifestation of your obsessive-compulsive symptoms and as we had discussed, the more you write in and the more we respond, the less inclined you are to see someone professionally and the more this severe angst becomes.

This is the real issue-- an obsessional worrying that has you chasing your tail. I think this is what almost all of us have been saying all along, but you haven't been able to act on it (and I do understand where you are now), so you recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and recycle and .......................

I’m not suggesting this time that you not post here and that we not respond in kindness and sensitivity—the best route is to do both, write and we’ll be here, but as Malign, Julian P (who I deeply miss), myself, and others have said--- do get help and as always, we’ll be right here, ain’t nobody going away. Don't postpone this longer, it only prolongs your pain.

As always and with great compassion,

David

[TerrifiedUser]

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[TerrifiedUser]

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