Jessie Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 I deliberately ignored it all of Sunday, because you know- Im so cool and unobtainable- but now tempted to text a reply (just to eradicate any self respect I may have unwittingly accrued)She did seem a sensitive soul- I think she just felf bad about what happened rather than wanting me back but it has crossed my mind its a possibility (thus ensuring a smidgin of silly false hope that I like to retain for self hurt purposes...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Be confident in your reply. A little white lie about having another date perhaps. Lol Throw some competition our there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Gosh- a tactical fib- havent done any of those for a while- I thought my gaming days were numbered.so um "Thats ok- I appreciate your message. I couldn't go to the last meet as I had another date, so don't worry- Im not avoiding you or the date club"is that ok?ps how did your 'summit' go Cece? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 "I don't want you, but don't stop paying attention to me." It's called looking for an ego boost. The other guys at the speed dating site obviously aren't showing enough interest in her, so now she's sending you late-night texts to get you chasing after her again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 That sounds good Jessie. Summit... Good description. I'm heading into a meeting. I'll have to update you a little later. Good luck. Hugs... Jessie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 LE,I doubt it - she was pretty attractive- more attractive than me 'conventionally' for sure. I cannot imagine she has to look for attention.In fact, if i had realised she was so attractive that 1st night (the night was held in a pretty dark pub) I would have avoided her- she wore her hair and clothes totally different at the restaurant on our date- and I know prettier girls are more harsh about smaller guys.Im 90% sure it was guilt and she has zero interest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Well- I sent it... cant do any harm I guess.She will likely ignore it as she will be sober now... ah well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 You sound like you're still interested. Whatever happens, please be careful. She rejected you once already and had no problem telling you why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 LE Im kinda intrigued I guess.Ironically I had spent most of Saturday without giving her a 2nd thought (the 1st time since I met her and then late at night the text arrives!)I guess Im so pathetic that any interest or contact from a woman is better than none?ps I will be super careful and I really think it was just her guilt- I doubt she will text again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 I guess Im so pathetic that any interest or contact from a woman is better than none?We're human beings, Jessie. Having contact with the opposite sex is a basic human need. Our needs are not being met. And when your needs haven't been met in some time, any interest from a woman does feel better than none. It's just natural. I don't think that makes any of us pathetic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted September 3, 2012 Report Share Posted September 3, 2012 Its midnight over here- just got off phone with her. She called me not long after 10pm and we have been speaking since.A really weird talk. She HAD been drinking on sat, and she had been feeling guilty.... but she now thinks she allowed her friends comments to adversly effect her judgment.She said she was delighted I had another date but if it didnt go anywhere would I consider another date with her?Jeez- perhaps Cece's advice worked- maybe she had a pang of jealousy.I am a bit mixed up now- Im kinda relieved- I KNEW she liked me from our kissing- I feel exonerated there- even if I decide not to go any further.ps it was clear she had been drinking again tonight (drinking problem?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 Sounds like she really does want another chance. Maybe she has drinks to loosen up so she can talk to you about this. It has to be awkward for her to ask for a second chance after what transpired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 The ball's in your court now Jessie. I would make her wait a bit if you do decide to go out on another date but keep the lines of communication open. I agree with LE, I wouldn't jump to the conclusion she has a drinking problem just yet. It's probably just a case of nerves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 I see part one as a step in the right direction, Cece. The lines of communication are open again. He shared some deep fears with you and you gave him the reassurance he needs. This might be pulling him in different directions right now. Part of him probably wants to run away and hide now that the secret is out. The other part wants to be with you. Getting him to the table and having that first talk is a real positive. Now you have a little something to build on when you talk again tonight. I hope you make some more progress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 I hope you're right LE. It's hard to get him to accept that I love him regardless. I feel more positive going into tonight's talk. I just hope I don't get the rug pulled out from under me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 "my time has been stretched a little thin."please dont use use words like "stretched" and "thin" around here please! I think this sounds really positive Cede- he's talking and in time you sound like the kind of girl that can ease his hurtps you have got rid of the saucy books etc havent you?- just in case Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 LE and CeceI have played it super cool- she left 2 texts during lunch today and I didnt rely till just now (in a laid back manner)I will give it another whirl- if shes up for it I will arrange for a meal in town on sat or sun and if it goes will take her back to mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 Haha! You're funny Jessie! I did get rid of everything already so that won't be an issue. If you do go out, keep it at dinner only. No going back to anyone's place. You have to build a connection and if you go back to one of your homes, you may end up jumping into the sack too soon. Jessie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 If you do go out, keep it at dinner only. No going back to anyone's place. You have to build a connection and if you go back to one of your homes, you may end up jumping into the sack too soon.^^^^^^^^ This......a thousand times this. It's critical that you build a connection first, Jessie. Especially with this one. She already has some preconceived ideas about sex with a smaller guy. You need to get everything else working in your favor first. I know you're eager to show her what you're capable of and she's probably curious about things herself, but it's just not time for that yet. You still need to feel her out some more. At least make sure that she'll be respectful of the sensitive and private nature of this issue if things don't work out. Jessie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jessie Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 LE I hear you. Will really try not to 'do anything' other than kissing.She is pretty sensitive so I think she will be respectful.As to privacy I think Its a bit late- Im pretty sure, from her comments, that she must have talked about this with her friends (I think all girls do frankly- ultra communicative things that they are- for good or bad) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 Jessie, if you are looking for a relationship then you have to do better than to "try" not to have sex. Tsk, Tsk... You silly boy with your brains hidden below your belt! Waiting a bit, allows not only a connection to form but increases arousal the first time. All that anticipation builds up! Fireworks! From a female point of view, sex the first time with someone new can be a let down regardless of size. The more emotionally connected we are and the more we are aroused goes a long way towards making a memorable first time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted September 4, 2012 Report Share Posted September 4, 2012 If she offers you back to hers and you refuse it could backfire. You have to be careful not to wait too long for sex or she could go off you.Naw.... Just have an excuse ready. Make it in the scheduling stage so she knows it will be an early night out. Early meeting, family function, ect... You can't put it off forever but a couple more dates isn't going to hurt your chances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cece.dedesl Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Summit part 2....Hmmm.... He was very quiet, didn't stay long. Small hug goodbye.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 We've had some light chit chat over the last couple of days but tonight I felt like there was a wall up.I'm not surprised by that and I wouldn't read too much into it yet. He's dealing with a lot of stuff right now - his feelings about himself, his feelings about you, finding out that his secrets aren't a secret anymore, trying to figure out where he wants to go with the relationship, fear about his future with you, fear about what his future could be like without you........there's a lot on his plate. He may have just been feeling overwhelmed tonight and people often put up a wall in those situations. Give him a chance to chill out and don't press too hard. Setbacks are part of the process of healing. I know how it feels when a relationship takes a turn and all you want is for things to be back the way they were before. It hurts and it's frustrating and just plain uncomfortable. Things can be good again for the two of you but he has to allow them to be and it will take some time. You're doing everything you can and from what I can see, you're going about it in a loving, supportive manner and that's the right approach. Maybe make some short term goals for the relationship.....you know, small steps. That can keep you from getting your hopes up too high and being disappointed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted September 5, 2012 Report Share Posted September 5, 2012 Moved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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