Small Penis - One Man's Pain

[Jessie]

1. tell him you would rather die than reveal his size to anyone. for this reason he must never know about this site- delete your cookies (i assume he will check your phone and computer- most guys do even if they dont admit it- and girls too apparently)

2. Well you probably do see him a tiny bit differently- hes had (partially unsuccessful) surgery on his genitals! It must affect you to some extent- however minor- but you need to persuade him its water off a ducks back

3. Tell him you would love to see him naked, to have him in your mouth and in your 'you know what'.... how can he repulse you if thats what you lust after? (You have to say this over and over because the truth is MOST girls would be repulsed so you need to convince him, that against the odds, YOU dont mind his dick. Be patient with him, he will need to overturn logic and overwhelming life experiences- a bit like teaching someone that bees dont sting- it takes a real leap of faith.

4. Well hes right to be isnt he? Its a possible option for both of you- even if its his paranoia that will be responsible. And again you don't know his life experiences. I had a girl who loved me dump me specifcally due to size-so it CAN happen- it may have happened to him. Your job is too proclaim you will never leave him.

5. All you can do its express your trust- ... but what does he mean by trust?.... does he think he deceived you about his size ?

6. Tell him you are sorry he feels that way but in the meantime is it ok if you use his body wantonly for sex- and give your exclusive access to it. Then after he can hate himself as much as he likes cos you got off....

[Cece.dedesl]

1. Easy enough

2. I don't really view him differently. Finding out this information was huge shock but in reality it cleared up a lot of questions that had been bumping around in my head. How he's handling me knowing is effecting my view of him more.

3. I've always been the aggressor sexually in our relationship. For 18 months before this happened there was no doubt I lusted after him. I still do. I've pointed this out during our discussions.

4. I told him I had no intentions or desire to end things but no one can guarantee a relationship won't end. He would recognize any absolute promise as an exaggeration.

5. The trust thing is two fold. Withholding this information and the fact he searches out reassurances from other women besides me when ever he feels bad. He doesn't have any physical interactions with these women. It's random fishing for compliments. He actually printed out and saved these correspondences in the folder I found. I do worry there may be a time he will attempt physical interaction which is a huge part behind him thinking the trust is gone.

6. Haha! Geez, I wish he'd give me some! I'm dying for it!!! I'll certainly give this a shot!!!! Maybe some humor would lighten him up a bit.

[lifeless existence]

I just don't know how to answer your questions, Cece. This guy is so hard to read. I thought the shower was a great sign, then he goes home. I just don't get it. And I don't understand why he doesn't believe you. It's so frustrating for me to read. I would kill to have what he has. I swear, all you've done to reassure him, I'd be doing backflips if I were him. Anybody who would go to the lengths you have....a person just wouldn't do all that if they weren't sincere. So why can't he see that? So many people would have just walked away, but you've stood in there and fought like hell for this. That in itself should be all the convincing he needs. He's so freaking lucky to have you and instead of treasuring every moment and holding you close, he's busy losing you. It really burns me up.

Jesus. I haven't had sex in 8 1/2 years and here's this guy who has this great woman in his life and she's dying to be intimate with him and he won't even touch her. I want to throw up. No, I want to knock some sense into his thick skull first, then throw up.

[Cece.dedesl]

It burns me up too LE. It's like I'm dealing with a complete stranger. I don't know.... Maybe he brought the folder here, wanted me to see it so he could get rid of me? Maybe, he simply wanted a way out and thought I'll run for the hills when I saw it? Talk about bearing ones deepest fears... Geez, I need some sleep.

Ps... I want to beat him and throw up too.

[lifeless existence]

Maybe you're right. Maybe he did bring the folder because he thought you'd bail. And since that didn't work, he's trying the cold shoulder treatment. Maybe he just doesn't want to be the one to end it. Then again, maybe the folder was a test. If she sees the folder and still wants me around, then she must really love me. But if that were the case, then why is he acting this way? I guess finding out how deeply you care could have scared the heck out of him. Has he had many long term relationships before? My last girlfriend was afraid of commitment. The deeper my feelings for her became, the more it scared her (unbeknownst to me), then one day she walked out of my life without so much as a simple goodbye. I later found out that she had a pattern of doing that. Maybe your boyfriend is scared of commitment, Cece, and the moving in together thing had him anxious enough and then you discovered the folder and everything just snowballed from there. I have no idea. There are many possibilities and we're just guessing.

[Cece.dedesl]

No, I'm his first long term relationship. He always avoided relationships and when he did try to date, he ended it when it got to the point where sex was required.

He so confusing.... He did start getting a little weird when we started moving in together. I don't know, LE. maybe he's scared, maybe he changed his mind. Like you said we're just guessing.

He hasn't moved his stuff out yet. His lease ends this month... The guessing should be over soon at least.

[lifeless existence]

Hmmmm. Might have stumbled on to something here. First long term relationship, serious enough that you were on the verge of moving in together, severe penis size concerns........that's a recipe for anxiety and you did notice him getting a little weird. Maybe he is just scared. It would be wonderful if he would go to couples therapy with you. They resolve relationship fears all the time.

He is confusing. Very much so.

[Cece.dedesl]

I hope you're right, i'm trying not get my hopes up though. I brought up couples therapy. He didn't agree to it but he also didn't say no. Maybe I should try to push that a bit more?

I wish they had residential lie detectors so he could just hook me up, ask me all this stuff and see I'm telling him the truth. It would be so much easier!!!!

Wow! I actually feel better now that I expressed my deepest fears in all of this mess. Thanks LE!

[lifeless existence]

He might be resistant to couples therapy because he doesn't want the penis issues to be brought up there. But they need to be brought up there. A couples therapist might be able to help him realize how much you accept him and how he has absolutely nothing to worry about when it comes to you knowing his secrets. Since you'd be interacting with the therapist too, the therapist would fully understand just how "safe" your boyfriend is with you.....and since the therapist is a third party with no attachments in this, your boyfriend may be more apt to believe it if he hears it from them. I think you should try to get him to go. Just don't nag him about it constantly. Ask him to do it for you. He knows you're upset. Surely he'd do that much for you.

[Cece.dedesl]

It's such an odd paradox. He is so unhappy with his penis yet I am perfectly happy with his penis. I really think therapy would help bridge that gap.

I'm not a nagger. I express my needs openly and honestly no matter what the relationship is. The proverbial ball is in their court at that point. They can either give me what I need, or come up with another option. If they choose to do nothing, I have my answer. They simply don't take my needs seriously. Whether it's a friend, family member, employer, or lover.., in the end it's all about give and take.

I'm feeling so much more grounded now. I was going off my rocker after last night. I really wanted to give up. It feels impossible at times. I was thinking I should text him tonight... Just an "I love you" or "I miss you". Something light.

[Jessie]

Cece,

just got back from date- went well- talked for hours- shes great- just 1 snog before I left. She said it was a pity I had to go so early. yey!

Am going to invite her over on Mon night. And I dont feel nervous!...

ps I do get what Skynight is saying- this situation cannot go on for ever- but I say give it a bit more time-...

[IrmaJean]

Great news, Jessie.

Cece, I admire your spirit, confidence, and self-assurance. I hope things work out for you. You deserve happiness.

[lifeless existence]

Glad to hear the date went well, Jessie.

[gone]

There's some of us keeping up with both Jessie and Cece. Really hoping things work out for you both.

John

[Cece.dedesl]

Skynight....

I'm not a self destructive person. If the time comes to call it quits, I will walk away. 3-4 weeks of hell compared to the 18 month of absolute bliss makes it worth my effort at this point. Ultimatums in my experiences rarely work. I will however, make my needs known.

Jesse!!!!!!!! I'm so happy for you!!! So.... Did you bust your ass skating?

[Cece.dedesl]

Well.... So much for not getting my hopes up!!! Great talk tonight.

[Jessie]

Cece- glad to hear you had a great talk. sounds encouraging.

We didnt do skating in the end- she hurt her leg earlier in the day and said we would go another time.

So we went for a walk in the park to take advantage of the sun and went for a latish meal instead. I could actually enjoy the food for a change a really enjoyed her company- I made her laugh a lot- I have a lot of work stories that always get a good response- i was on a roll.

I know she wanted me to come back to her place but I was totally resolute- we are going for a meal at mine on monday- and shes gonna drive but shes bring 2 bottle sof wine... whicn means shes staying....

[Cece.dedesl]

Sounds like your date went great Jessie!!! I still think you should hold off on the sex for a little longer but I also know how you guys are when it comes to relieving your urges. Lol

My weekend was fantastic. He did end up joining me yesterday. We had a relaxing day by the pool. We kept the conversation light and it didn't take long before we were both chatting up a storm like we use to.

He brought me out for a nice dinner followed by a few drinks. When we went back to the hotel. I could tell he was starting to get a little antsy. So, I opened up a bottle of wine and headed out to the balcony. He finally joined me after nervously tinkering around the room for a bit.

We sat on the balcony talking until 1am. I told him I was getting tired so we went inside. I changed into my pj's and crawled in bed. The whole time nervous as hell, waiting on him to tell me goodbye.

After some awkward random chit chat. He asked if it was alright if he stayed!!! Of course I said yes. We just cuddled but hell, after the last few weeks I wasn't going to complain.

The weekend is over but I hope what reconnection we made this weekend will continue.

[lifeless existence]

That's great news Cece! Maybe the two of you could spend some more time together at other "neutral" locations. That might have made it a little easier for him.

I still think you should hold off on the sex for a little longer but I also know how you guys are when it comes to relieving your urges. Lol

I agree with Cece here Jessie. I'm in no position to give dating advice but I would keep working on building that connection some more before having sex if it were me.

[Cece.dedesl]

I think you're right LE, the neutral place helped. My house is a place of transition for both of us. He's moving in with a woman for the first time and I'm moving in with the first partner since my divorce. It's stressful for both of us.

Unfortunately, my budget doesn't allow for mini vacations on a regular basis with a kid in college so we'll have to work through it here. (I shouldn't have spent the money I did this weekend!) I haven't heard anything from him since we left the hotel 5 hours ago. Not usual but I would have liked to had at least a quick text by now.

[Jessie]

Cece- glad you cuddled up - thats a good sign. Hope he texts soon

Im afraid I'm going to ignore both your advice on waiting - she pretty much made it clear she wanted to go all the way last time I saw her... shes planning to stay monday and I think I will offend her if I indicate I don't want her to stay. I know I would in her shoes.

By modern standards we have waited a while and I don't want her thinking I'm asexual or something- she already harbours doubts about my size, clearly, so I don't want to add to her misgivings.

If I put it off again its gonna be weird.. and will over pressurise me when we finally do go to bed.

I just need to be as good a lover I can that night and hope she can look past my physical inadequacies.

[Cece.dedesl]

Thanks Jessie. I'm content with the cuddling for NOW! Lol

Make sure you open up the lines of communication during sex. Ask her what she likes, what feels good, ect... Make it clear to her that you're willing to learn her body and satisfy her but she has to openly and honestly tell you what she needs.

This may be slightly inappropriate but, I would suggest you masturbate a couple of times before she gets there.

[Jessie]

I know what you mean (to avoid premature issues) but I don't want to, um, empty my tanks early, and not be able to rise to the occasion!!

Im will be terrified so I may have trouble getting hard. So I want to be as big and as hard as Im physically capable of being - I haven't touched myself since I saw her!

If I do 'go off' too early I will simply have another go! But I like to think I listen and am good at other stuff- you kind of have to be when your dick is useless! I have had good feedback from other girls about oral etc.

ps cuddles are great- I wish was here now to cuddle... might stop me crapping myself!! its nearly tomorrow already!

[Cece.dedesl]

So... Maybe clean the ole pipes in the morning then let nature take it's course later. At your age you should still be good to go. I know men my age that still masturbate before a date to make sure they won't go to fast.

Glad to hear your oral skills are in good form. I personally, don't care how I get my orgasms as long as I get one. Lol Concentrate on foreplay. The biggest complaint I hear from my female friends is they never get enough foreplay. You have to build the fire with women.

If you were here i would cuddle you big time! Platonically of course!!! Lol We are both taken after all.

[Jessie]

well a cyber cuddle, sent via the internet is better than nothing!

got a real romantic text from her about 5 mins ago- really put me at ease.

ps Cece- did you hear from him?