Small Penis - One Man's Pain

[Bundy]

ugh, that sounds like a bitch to deal with. May sound harsh from me, but I would dump the guy. Reading your posts from some days ago shows me that you really tried to make this work, but it appears as if this guy just caries too much emotional baggage. Its just too much in his head, he could be declared the old egyptian god of fertility and he still wouldnt be able to deal with it.

I know that relationships are supposed to be about helping someone through a rough time, but to me when one makes you suffer this much, and shows no progress, deliberately lies during therapy (which is in theory sounds like one of the dumbest things anyone can do), then it seems like you should finally think about your own happiness again.

And I wouldnt worry about hating men, sounds to me like a reasonable thing. Heck, the whole reason this whole small penis thing is getting out of hand since the 90s is because men are actively spreading this propaganda about small men being worthless. I know some women out there are size queens, and can be really cruel, but out of my own experience, the ones who really spread the news are almost always men. The one who write longass articles about how they totally understand yout situation, luring you in with showing sympathy, just to read at the end of the article that the solution for it is (insert random garbage), just to make some quick bucks out of someones misery, which they actively support and try to uphold.

Shit, I remember some thread in another forum where guys just listed all the small penis references they see in media and daily life, and one interesting thing to me was that the popular series sex and the city, which kind of depends on subjects like this, had several episodes penis size, particulary one where a guy gets dumped for being too small and another because hes too big. Guess what gender wrote the script for these episodes? Yeah...

And its almost always like this, because today still most men carry excecutive rights in creating media, sure, there are some women in the field, but looking at the numbers makes you realize they dont even stack up, its always some corporate sleazebag.

Men are just completely ruthless in any way, and I feel sorry for women having to choose someone in this crapsack. Not saying that women are perfect either, but at least they are not a major contributor to most of the misery on the world.

War, religious fanatism, racism, homophobia, gender bias, almost always spread by (white) men. We completely poisoned the human species and turned it into somethin awful.

[Jessie]

Ceci- so sorry to hear that.

Maybe its time for an ultimatum? Hes clearly driving you nuts.

Bundy- gotta disagree with you there. Seldom have I heard guys berate small penises - overwhelmingly its women who do that.

Thats why I get so frustrated hearing about Ceci's partner- he is about to throw away a girl that appears not to mind- this is self damage of the highest order. I wonder if he realises that girls like Ceci are in fact quite/very/exceptionally rare?

Im not gonna, but I could give you 1000s of example of articles, clips, peer reviewed research, personal comments from females and exes.

Males start wars true but this is not about politics or war- its about sexual needs and preferences.

[Bundy]

Bundy- gotta disagree with you there. Seldom have I heard guys berate small penises - overwhelmingly its women who do that.

Im not gonna, but I could give you 1000s of example of articles, clips, peer reviewed research, personal comments from females and exes.

Males start wars true but this is not about politics or war- its about sexual needs and preferences.

Huh, I guess different countries, different behaviours. But I'm just thinking back to my teen days. For example, I remember this situation about how the word got out about some dude being like us (not me, I kept this more secret than a swiss banker about his clients). How that happened, was that during showering, someone saw him, and then took the piss out on him. He quickly told his friends who happily spread the message to other males and females, sometimes even specifically mentioning it out loud next to a group of girls, you know, just doing their best to be flat-out evil. If you lock for it on the internet, there is a ton of stories exactly like this, often worse.

I won't argue about the women thing, I rarely interact with women (lately with nobody really, but seriously, being this unlikable, is it a surprise ?), but I think I'm not completely off with guys being dickheads about sex.

[Jessie]

ok- maybe at school other guys can be horrid about it- thats true.

But since leaving school, I have only heard women talk about it.

If you come to the uk, see how many days in the week you can watch TV of an evening and NOT see a size reference- either praising large or insulting small.

[Cece.dedesl]

I feel like giving up. I hate that I feel this way. In the end I'll be fine but he'll chalk up another relationship ending because of his penis. I honestly wouldn't have thought about this if I hadn't joined here.

I should note, His penis didn't end anything, he did. His insecurities, his inability to believe in my love and acceptance. I should have learned my lesson after my marriage. Men with penis issues can find the perfect partner but they never believe us when we say we are happy so why bother????

[Cece.dedesl]

Jessie, I have to admit, in my circle I do hear men talk about small penises more than my female friends do. It could be cultural, regional or simply who we choose to associate with. I don't know....

[Bundy]

I get you about the size reference thing in media, it got completely out of hand, but that was exactly my point. There TV commercials, series, movies who do you think funds them? Who do you think organises the whole thing? A group of evil coporate women, sitting in some lair and planning their next attack on male masculinity? No, it's a slow moving social process which has been developing for some time now and reached an unhealthy point. An movement started and mostly supported by ruthless douchbags. Sure, let's say more than half of all women in modernized western countries care about size. This may be their opinion, but who did his best to cultivate this sentiment? Women? I don't think so, because even in countries like the US, UK, Sweden and whatnot, it's still mostly man who call the shots. Sure, you may see a woman on TV making a size reference, but honestly, who do you think paid her to be standing there? Or lets look at porn, who directs and funds most of the projects in this sector? Who is responsible for the money flow? It sure as hell ain't women, because no matter how much we evolved as a society, women still are threated like second class citizen. You may not see many guys talk badly about women as they maybe used to, because of fear of social repercussions, but you can still see the difference between man and woman in high-class positions, which are in the end the movers and shakers of every industry and state. All of this bullshit exists mainly for the fact that there are a lot of sad saps out there who'll try anything to increase the size of their penis, and as society dictates, there is most likely some male douchebag at the other end cashing in profiting from misery. Its what we do and always did.

And don't get me even started on religion, which just did a cracker jack job at damaging humanity sexually as much as possible, again, no women there calling the shots, usually they are ranked between housecat and goat in these wonderful organizations.

I'm getting of the rail here, but lastly I would like to say that I think many of these things together overall have an huge influence on our sexuality, especially the economic sector, and that one shouldn't simplify these issues, because I think the whole thing small penis situation is rather complex.

[Jessie]

Well I do avoid macho/sports guys - I tend to socialise with professional types on the whole- maybe thats why.

Im in the uk but do watch a lot of usa telly. I dunno.

[Jessie]

I know TV may be mostly still be run by guys but this is only one slice of the pie.

Girls talk about sex all the time in real life and in surveys and in clips and in female written articles.

They all love adequate length and good girth.

short or thin is- in some cases - seriously admonished.

this has nothing to do with TV executives.

If a clinical study says 75% of women think size matters or 70% of women with small partners wished they were larger-

this hasnt been influenced by men to sell anything.

[Bundy]

Well I do avoid macho/sports guys - I tend to socialise with professional types on the whole- maybe thats why.

I swear, this is the last of me, but I think this just supports my point. You hang out with decent, I assume successful men, but you have to realize, that these guys are a clear minority. Most men are simple-minded buffoons who are easly lead and get hang up in group mentality, and its these people that you have to deal the most with, morons and dickheads. Thats at least what I see every day, just a bunch of dumb assholes who can't get invested in anything beyond the tip of their penis.

[Cece.dedesl]

I'm a firm believer of facts Bundy. You made some great points. Women didn't emasculate men, men did. I'm going to try and use this in my efforts at home. Last ditch effort most likely.

[EricDavis2]

Figured I would give everyone an update on how my life has gone the past many months since my last post, since I'm the one that started this thread at the beginning. I'd love to report that I've turned my social and sexual life around, or at least have made progress. Sadly, no.

Everywhere I go, I have to go alone. Restaurants, movie theatres, you name it. I have no companion, no love life, nothing. The last chance I had with a woman (2 whole years ago), ended with her not responding to my texts and just letting me figure out that she has no interest in being with me anymore. Our last date was, ironically enough, on Valentine's Day. I gave her flowers before we went out, and when the date was over, it was the last time I saw her. There were no arguments or even any unpleasentries that happened. Called her the next day - no answer. Texted her, nothing. That's it - over. Nice ending, huh? As if my self-confidence needed another hit. I'm left to believe that because I never made any sexual advances to her the few times we went out, that's why she dumped me.

That was the last time I've been with anyone. That experience exposed me as still being the shy, timid, and afraid individual I've been my whole life. It's too late now. I'm incapable of re-programming my brain. As they say, it is what it is. You've heard of the show The Biggest Loser? I'M the world's biggest loser - bar none.

[IrmaJean]

Hi Eric. It's good to hear from you. I'm sorry you are feeling so down.

It may sound cliche, but it's never too late. You do have to allow for the possibilities, though. I can say I am no longer shy and I was once painfully so. Change is possible. I understand it isn't easy.

Are you able to connect with aspects of yourself that you feel good about? Do you have friends you can socialize with?

Take gentle care.

[EricDavis2]

The thing is, I know I possess good qualities - good sense of humor, respectful of women, easy to please - but it just hasn't been good enough. If you don't have confidence in yourself in approaching women, or aren't afraid of making moves on them (since I have major insecurities about my penis size and lack of experience), any good qualities you have are worthless. Sure I have other interests that keep me from total depression and have some good friends. But my lack of companionship makes me feel inferior to everyone else and destroys my spirit and makes me feel hopeless and ashamed of myself. My friends never see me with anyone, and they are good enough not to embarrass me by busting my chops about it. But by now, they may think I'm gay - it's just not normal to never have a girlfriend.

I don't seem to be able to tell if someone is available, or if she is, would be at all interested in me. If I know the woman is already taken, I can relax around her and show my sense of humor. But if I feel that she is someone that could be a potential date, I become very shy and reserved. I'm so messed up and I'm in my 50's for God's sakes! I can see my life passing me by, but I just can't pretend to be something I'm not. "Being myself" is a curse, but I can't be the type of guy that just says "To hell with it. What have I got to lose? If she rejects me, it's her loss" ... etc, etc. That's the approach I need to take, but I just don't have it in me to be that way.

Well, tears are in my eyes as I'm so despondent. Thanks for responding to my post. I really appreciate you trying to help, and I understand it's not productive to beat myself up. But to be at this stage of my life, having only had 3 girlfriends (all set up for me by others) and having had sex with only one of them (nearly a ridiculous 17 years ago), my faith in myself is gone.

[malign]

"I'm left to believe that because I never made any sexual advances to her the few times we went out, that's why she dumped me."

But why is that what you're left to believe? If she never said anything, it could literally be any reason. She could've got run over by a bus! More realistically, it could be her insecurities that ended it. Simply, you'll never know.

You're right: the only person who can change your attitude is you. But that doesn't mean a therapist couldn't help you, if you wanted to try that.

[IrmaJean]

...any good qualities you have are worthless.

When you connect with your gifts, give power to them, and allow yourself to shine, it can become easier to feel confident. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. It's getting over the hump in the beginning that is most challenging. I also use an inner encouraging voice; one that tells me I can do things. It helps me.

But my lack of companionship makes me feel inferior to everyone else and destroys my spirit and makes me feel hopeless and ashamed of myself.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way, Eric. :-( Can you think of some ways to give light and energy to your spirit?

"Being myself" is a curse

This may be something to look at and challenge. Why is it, do you think, that you feel this? There can be a place to build faith in yourself. I sense you as gentle and sensitive (two traits I admire). I hope you can be gentle with yourself. I hope you will keep trying.

[CantGiveItAway]

That experience exposed me as still being the shy, timid, and afraid individual I've been my whole life.

Could you try and take a step back alittle and look at that another way? Finding some space to not come down so hard on yourself, giving a chance to see that you can develope parts of yourself to make you feel more comfortable. I dont think a failed relationship or two, or having some off and embarrassing moments is a condemnation of your spirit and personality...

I get the sense that you have more struggles getting out there and being more of yourself around woman than as to woman having some issues or wanting distance from you? I feel that its especially hard not having someone to open up with. I hope you will keep talking here, if you dont. I think you can make tremendous progress and may be surprised how far you could come.

[firefighter38834]

This is my last post!

I enjoy skydiving

For those in here that enjoy the sport

Who packs your chute?

You do and I pack my own

The reason is we are responsible for our actions

I have empathy for anyone with SPS

ITS REAL I KNOW!

I read and learned from all who have posted

All I offered was suggestions of what worked for my wife and I

BUT IN LIFE: you gotta pack your own chute and jump

[EricDavis2]

Irma Jean, you have been supportive, caring, and sensitive to my feelings and troubles my entire time I've posted on this site. For that, I am grateful.

I do have friends I can socialize with - some very good friends I'm proud to say. But this specific issue that troubles me the most - my insecurities about my penis size and the impact it has on my self confidence and reluctance to take chances with women - is not something I can talk to any of them about. It's way too personal and embarrassing. The only reason I can talk about it here is obviously because it's anonymous

And even generically talking about meeting women is difficult for me because they can't relate to the degree of shyness I have, the lack of sexual experience, or the length of time I've been alone and depressed. I already feel inferior to them in terms of dating and relationship experiences. And I can't be something I'm not; I'm not bold, confident, secure in myself. One of my friends who is half my age has been married and has had many "conquests" (for lack of a better term). How can he relate to what I feel? That's why I say "being myself" is a curse. I sure as hell haven't been someone ELSE. Who else would want to trade places with me? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

I guess I'm going to have to try the counseling routine again. At least maybe I can talk about my issues to a professional without suffering total embarrassment. I'm just afraid (there I go again) I'm so far screwed up at my age, it'll take an Einstein to help me get out of this deep-seated pain. Last time I saw a psychologist, even though she had some good suggestions to try that sounded like it would help, as SOON as I left that room and stepped outside my positive feelings when right out the window. I mean, I started crying two minutes after the session was over! She also said to try reading a book called "Feeling Good". Reading even a little of it made me feel overwhelmed by the process ahead of me. Pretty ironic, isn't it, that it made me feel WORSE about myself.

Anyways... sorry for the rant and ramblings. I'm fighting hard in my mind to not give up the ship. The last shred of hope I'm trying to latch onto is that I'm want to have some real joy in my life. I deserve it 'cause I KNOW I'm a good person. I'm so tired of being down and miserable with myself and tired of being happy for everyone ELSE. I want to be happy for ME! THAT"s whats so damn frustrating. I just haven't found the way to MAKE it happen. I need help.

[IrmaJean]

Thank you for your kind words, Eric. It's good to hear from you.

It's great that you want to be happy for you! You know you are a good person and you do deserve to feel joy in your life. I'm glad you feel hope. I think that going to counseling is a great idea.

It's wonderful that you have some good friends. I hope you are able to see in yourself what they admire in you.

I'm just afraid (there I go again) I'm so far screwed up at my age, it'll take an Einstein to help me get out of this deep-seated pain. Last time I saw a psychologist, even though she had some good suggestions to try that sounded like it would help, as SOON as I left that room and stepped outside my positive feelings when right out the window. I mean, I started crying two minutes after the session was over!

It's okay to feel afraid. Crying happens too sometimes. I cried quite often in therapy. I do think it takes some time to hold the positive feelings. You are learning new concepts and challenging yourself. Growth can be painful and it's often a one step forward, 1/2 step back process. If you are feeling overwhelmed maybe it helps to take things a little at a time, one day at a time. It's okay too to feel those overwhelming feelings along the way.

I hope you feel better, Eric. It's always okay to come here, express yourself, and reach out for support. That is why we are here.

Take gentle care.

[EricDavis2]

Thank you Irma Jean, as well as "malign" and "can't give it away", for the encouraging words of support and ideas.

As far as the girl who dumped me after Valentine's Day (2 years ago), I know that it's possible she ended our dating for reasons not related to my failure to make any sexual advances toward her during the time we went out. In fact, during one dinner date, she told me she already had a "fuck buddy" (sorry for the language). What bothered me the most was I was upset with MYSELF for not trying it. It exposed me for being the same shy and afraid guy I've always been.

I even stressed out about where to take her on a date. I have so little imagination, I can only come up with the tired "dinner and a movie" thing. Seems like even little things like that are difficult for me. The urge I have to give up whenever things get even the slightest bit difficult is very strong for me.

It's just so painful to think about where I am in my life. Neither friends nor relatives would be able to comprehend my failure with women. This is not your average apprehension most men feel initially. This is almost to the point where I am paralyzed with fear and lack of self-confidence. But, somehow, I've got to find a way to fight thru it this time. I've got to look ahead, not behind. I can't deal with this pain any longer. Tine is running out fast; I'm too old to wait around any longer. I want to feel GOOD about myself. I want to be PROUD of myself, not ashamed. If not, it will be the end for me.

[Victimorthecrime]

Hey Eric I totally get where you are coming from on everything you said above. For me, staying healthy mentally & physically is my best approach to all things in life. Just thought I would share that in case it helps at all. As far as it goes for women I think for guys like us it's best to find someone who knows what hard times are like for themselves so they won't be so cold as to announce on a date that they have a fuck buddy.

[EricDavis2]

Good thought "Victim". You know, I also thought that was pretty cold of her to tell me she had a f-buddy. It really shocked me when she said that. After that, I didn't know what she thought about me. I actually had never heard that term before, believe it or not.

Seeing your name, I feel bad that happened to you. No one deserves that kind of treatment. It's amazing to me that people can be so rude to others like that. I've never seen your posts before, but I hope you've been able to work through the issues that an experience like that must have had on you.

The great thing about this site is that most of those that respond to our problems DO care! I am one of them. Best to you, my friend.

[Victimorthecrime]

Thanks ED2 & best to you also. I am mostly doing well these days with the exception of the occasional meltdown if too many things go wrong at once but that is not often.

I just do my best each day, accepting myself & my life, counting my blessings, and staying strong and positive - attitude really does mean a lot it is incredible.

[EricDavis2]

I'm truly happy that for the most part you are doing well. Here's some wisdom: If you break an arm, it'll heal. But if your heart breaks, the recovery time is not so short, is it? I'm sure you've suffered your share of heart ache. It's a testament to your intestinal fortitude that you've been able to rebound from that. Good for you, my friend.

Victim, I wish I had your ability to stay strong and positive. You're right - attitude does mean a lot. It just occurred to me that the negative thoughts and self-doubt I have has been, in effect (if I may borrow the term), a form of bullying myself, I guess. It's not really other people putting me down - my friends, relatives and co-workers never do that to me. I do that to myself. I've beaten myself over the head over and over so much over my failures in life I don't know if I've got enough strength to forgive myself, But I know I must try.

I just don't know how to start. I've been so alone and lonely almost all of my adult life. Oddly, I know I have some good qualities. I'm patient, caring, and sincere. I'm friendly, considerate, and loving. But despite all that, I'm a pussy. My shyness and lack of self-confidence is overwhelming. I don't have any moves. I don't have anything to say. I wish I could exude confidence; say to myself "what the hell - go for it". Be agressive and tell myself "if she doesn't want me that's her problem" etc, etc. BUT I CAN'T. I'm not that guy. I can't say "hey, lady, I'm here! Mr Wonderful!" Because I don't feel wonderful. What kind of a "man" am I that at my age I still don't have a clue. I've had 3 girlfriends in over 50 years of living, and have only had sex with ONE of them!!! That's god damn pathetic!

I don't know. I'm sorry to have rambled on like this. I just feel that God cursed me with a small dick. And I've felt inferior to other guys my whole life because of it. How the hell can I get laid, for Christ sakes, if I afraid to drop my pants in front of a woman!