Small Penis - One Man's Pain

[IrmaJean]

LE, I hear your pain. You are still seeing things as being entirely black and white, though. If you say 'never' and 'can't' then you don't give yourself a chance. Maybe start with one thing, such as trying to find employment. It may help you to feel better about yourself and it will get you out of the house and around people. I may have told you before, but my h was delivering pizzas when we got married. What you need is for someone to give you a chance. You will have to put yourself out there and believe in yourself. Fill out a bunch of applications at different places and keep calling them. You can do it.

[benji]

Could be the problem is your fate is tied up in other people. You have no control. Is there any type of thing you do or a talent or somthing that might be something you could start your own business based around? Then you have control. You find your clients and make your own hours and can put all you can into it to make it grow. It becomes your project and its all yours. You can put your need to love into your work until it is succesful. Once you stop seeking out people and hoping they'll do what you need them to then sometimes they come find you. And it can be just because your not as anxious.

[lifeless existence]

Never mind.

[Jessie]

[media=]

Now I know this women doesn't speak for all women. but.... the responses she got were not exactly encouraging.

and how about her phrase " size matters for a sex partner ... not a life partner''

right- so if I get married I'm ok for putting up shelves and paying the rent but in the sack... mmm..not so much.

and then she admits in previous videos she has tried to 'improve guys egos with a few white lies"

So Ceci can you see why we (and perhaps your partner) find it SO hard to believe women 'dont care'-

ps and I hate that white lie about 5.1"- thats not the average!! thats the bottom of the bell curve for white men! only 16% are sub 5.5.

5.1 - 6.6 is 2 standard deviations out so 7 % each way! jeez basic maths guys.

Sorry Im not gonna keep posting endless videos on here- Im just explaining the dynamic that we face-

Am I asking too much to find a girl who will want me sexually? - and not just as a nice guy that will make breakfast and pay the bills.

Not to be someone that inspires 'pity' as she so delightfully put...

[Jessie]

LE, I think the posters are right- a job gives you purpose and motivation. Its critical for happiness, pride and confidence.

Im not gonna say what job I do- I do ok.

Some parts of my job I use my head for- but other parts are quite routine and repetitive. And I like both parts- but actually the latter is my favourite.

Its not aobut the money- though thats welcome- its about the routine, the structure, the co workers, the purpose- I think all humans need that.

LE you are articulate and, kinda witty, there are a whole bunch of jobs you can do.

You will need to start at the bottom- who cares? pizza, cleaning, security, shelve stacking?

I get that grinding feeling you mean- ever since my 2nd gf, years ago made some comments, I have that feeling most nights- but I have had days doubled up in laughter, or proud of my work.

I have to keep the darkness at bay and focus on the positive. My job is a big part of that.

Are you missing a limb?, blind? deaf? If not you have a whole host of options available...

[Cece.dedesl]

That's a very different situation from what most of us here are dealing with. We can't even find an accepting partner. I think that most of us would feel very different about ourselves if we found women who accept us. I don't think that we're all "poisoned" to the point that we can't accept love. We just want to feel like we're good enough for a woman and the only way that can ever happen is if a woman accepts us. It's not possible for us to feel adequate when all we experience is rejection.

Is it really different? A lot of you refuse to accept yourselves, you've convinced yourselves that no one will accept you. So, when you get into a relationship, will you truly be able to accept your partner is satisfied and happy, will you be able to accept her love or will you always be waiting for the rejection?

In my experience, If a man can't accept himself, he can't accept a partner.

[Cece.dedesl]

retrojohn,

You may be right but some anorexics can be cured- they are not all fated to perish.

So Im hoping Ceci can find a way through this with him- and being told you are above average is powerful.

But I know there is no easy solution...

ps and I'd kill for 5 x 4.5

John's right, his perception is all he sees. Even my complete sexual satisfaction doesn't make any difference and I'm not a girl who can get away with faking orgasms due to the way my body reacts.

He finally called, he had to at some point since 1/2 of his things are here. (we were in the process of moving in together when the shit hit the fan) He's coming over tomorrow but didn't want to talk about things on the phone. So.... I still have no idea if he wants to work through this or if he's picking up his things.

Any advise guys? I tried to get in to see my therapist today but he was booked.

[Jessie]

So he wants to move out?

Are you sure he's not got cold feet and is looking for a smoke screen? (not wishing to make you feel even more anxious!)

For my part - if I found someone as rare and as nice and as accepting as you I would not let you go.

I dont see how a therapist would help. I say stand your ground- demand he talk to you before he leaves with his things.

Obviously if he wants to move out you cannot stop him. I just feel like I wanna slap= hes soooo lucky.

If you like him shout at him- tell him his size is fine for you and is EMPIRICALLY fine.

Tell him there are size queens out there but YOU are not one them BUT even if you were HE WOULD STILL BE FINE.

Ask him what you could do to prove it Measure it? go to the docs? Show him that video I posted even!

Tell him he's so lucky- that many guys would KILL for his size.

Tell him you're proud of him and that as a younger women you would have used him for sex- but now you want more than that.

My fingers are crossed- and if it doesnt work out you can always fly to the UK and give me a try

(although then again I would be just as obsessive him - ha!)

seriously if he's moving out then he must be pretty messed up. Good luck to you both...

[Cece.dedesl]

We had previously decided to wait a couple more weeks before moving in. I think the idea of moving in was great but once he started it triggered his insecurities.

To make things worse, as I was unpacking his things, I ran across the medical documents where he had been diagnosed with the issues I've been talking about. Plus, he had undergone a penis enlargement which caused a lot issues physically as well. There were some other disturbing things too but they upset me to much to discuss right now. When I told what I found, he stopped talking me.

I don't know if he is coming over to talk or get his things. He refused to discuss it on the phone. I will try to tell him how I feel again as I have over and over. Which I did even before I found out this stuff so he shouldn't feel like I'm lying now. I guess I was hoping for some magical advice that would actually get through to him.

[Jessie]

Sorry Im confused- he's had an enlargement?

I have read extensively on this and had direct expert advice- I was told it can lengthen & thicken the flaccid penis but can add only temporary, soft and lumpy girth to the erect penis.

No change whatsover can be made to erect length at the current time.

I take it then he had scarring or shortening or impotence or some other issue?

[Cece.dedesl]

Yes, he had an enlargement done. This is what led him to feel he was "disformed and disgusting". Again, those are his words not mine.

I don't know if he had scarring since I've never been able to really admire his penis. It is lumpy and curved, best way I can think to describe it. He does have problems maintaining an erection but he's not impotent. He was for quite awhile according to the papers I found tho.

According to the dr he saw after the surgery he should never have been a candidate for the surgery to begin with. Not sure if it was because of his pre-op size or his mental condition.

[Jessie]

oh jeez... thats a real complex situation there Ceci.

Oh boy- so was he small prior to the op? - (I guess you wouldnt know...)

point of order- just because a doc says its 'not needed' doesn't mean shit.

I saw 2 docs, the nhs one said I was very small but the private one said I was 'within normal range' (try telling that to the 4 girls who rejected me over size!)

So it may be that he really didnt need it or that he DID need it. Either way its not worked out.

This is a salutary lesson to anyone reading this NOT to have the operation!!

Anyway, disregard ALL my prior advice- there is a chance he was technically below average before (in girth perhaps) and you saying his size is good will backfire. You need to avoid any reference to size.

All you can do is tell him you love him and dont want him to go- thats all you can do. Tears, hugs, give it your best shot.

[Cece.dedesl]

Thanks Jessie. I love him and his penis. I just wish he could just accept it and be happy. I'm hoping he was just embarrassed about me finding out and will get over it. We truly were very happy until a couple of weeks ago.

Complex situation doesn't begin to describe it. Lol I don't know his size before surgery it happened awhile ago. He feels big to me but I was practically a born again virgin. 5 years without sex after my divorce! I can tell by touching him he's bigger than my ex was. He's not HUGE thank god, anything past about 6" in length hurts me in certain positions.

[IrmaJean]

I hope things work out okay for you, Cece. I wanted to offer my support.

[Jessie]

"I can tell by touching him he's bigger than my ex was"

.... but I was taught that 'women couldn't tell the difference" and 'they were all the same when hard" and "no women compare men" ??

Sorry - of course you can tell the difference- you have a sensory nervous system!-im being silly.

me having a go at the universe again.

"in certain positions" ..... suggesting you could take 8in in other positions thank you very much (yeah - I know- you can't win!)

Maybe tell him you would be happy with a thinner, shorter one but you are willing to compromise on his slightly too big one as you love him so much.

If a girl told me that I dont think I would ever be sad again. I'd still be grinning 10 years later at my own mothers funeral even!

[Cece.dedesl]

You're right Jessie, I can't win. Here or in my personal life. You were asking about his size. Since I can't measure him, I have to go by feel and compare him to the measurements I already disclosed and my own past comfort levels.

It wasn't meant to be a male bashing comparison. I'm not that type of person. I don't usual discuss this stuff at all. I'm only doing it because I need help and you can't get help without being completely honest about your situation. I've never been with a man of 8", wouldn't want to be but that's just me.

[Cece.dedesl]

I hope things work out okay for you, Cece. I wanted to offer my support.

Thanks Irma, I really appreciate it.

[Jessie]

I know Ceci- I was teasing really.

I know you wouldnt bash anyone.

I do hope it works out- for both your sakes - and if it doesn't you will get snapped up by someone else and I hope he gets some form of salvation

[Cece.dedesl]

Thanks Jessie, I hope my description didn't hurt anyone's feelings. I just don't know any other way to explain it.

[lifeless existence]

So, when you get into a relationship, will you truly be able to accept your partner is satisfied and happy, will you be able to accept her love or will you always be waiting for the rejection?

Well, seeing as I have zero chance of ever being in a relationship again, I guess that's something I'll never have to worry about.

I wish I knew what to say to help you with your situation, Cece. I want you to know that I'm pulling for you. I know you love him very much. I hope he shows up ready to sit down and talk with you.

[Jessie]

LE,

you dont have zero chance- its tougher for you sure, but not insurmountable.

What I have decided, and its not for everyone I know, is to give it 3 shots at finding someone that could accept me- and if there is the slightest hint I am, then I will continue looking.

If they wanna stay with me then great! Im in a relationship. But if i am rejected 3 times (for the size reason) then Im gonna call it it quits. (I guess its an experiment on how universal this female preference is).

I guess it it fails I could try again in another 5 years- we will see.

But I am giving myself the opportunity. Im not gonna go in 2 weeks as there is certain someone i need to avoid but I will try in 4 weeks and see what happens. (I kinda hope mate doesnt hook up in 2 weeks though- cos he is going- having a wing man really helps- selfish me eh?)

So LE, with a few life changes you can cause change- and that presents further opportunities. And if you ignore my last rejection, all 4 girls that rejected my size were in their 20s. Ive read somewhere that girls in your age group are more accepting?

Its not true to say you have it impossible, harder yes- not impossible.

Like I said- if you havent lost a limb.....

[Jessie]

Dear All -( if you guys still come here)

got a text off that girl who dumped we last week.

she apologised for her 'narrow thinking' and hoped I wasn't avoiding her or the speed date venue. hmm

[lifeless existence]

She tossed you aside, and then sends you a text saying that she hopes you're not avoiding her. Sounds like something a teenage girl would do.

[Cece.dedesl]

It sounds like a compassionate woman to me, one who might even be re-thinking her rash decision. I can't think of another reason for someone to go out of their way to contact a practical stranger. I've never contacted a guy after ending things after a date or two unless I was second guessing my decision.

[Jessie]

yeah- didnt know what to make of it.

Im assuming she got drunk late on sat (it was sent after midnight - felt guilty and sent it in haste- or maybe she felt lonely and desperate?)

I think she meant she didn't want me to avoid speed dating just because she was gonna be there.

But its a bit odd- there must be loads of other speed date evening across London all the time....