Small Penis - One Man's Pain

[Jessie]

Ceci,

I hope we are not driving you away- I feel like we (especially me) have bombarded you with poison when all you are doing is trying to help us-

Sorry, Tis the nature of our curse.... pent up anger etc.... apologies...

[Cece.dedesl]

Jessie, you're not driving me away but you guys do create a sense of helplessness in me. It feels like my marriage all over again.

My husband let this issue ruin us. We never had any issues in the bedroom until he perceived himself "inadequate". He was more than adequate to me.

It became poison not only to us as a couple but to him as a man. He became a different person inside and out.

I just feel like I'm failing here, just as I did in my marriage and my current relationship seems to be destined to fail as well. I guess it's hard for me to believe that a penis can hold so much power. That it is only a penis that makes a man or destroys one. Sighs....

[Jessie]

Ceci- Im so sorry-

for what its worth-- although I was very upset about my speed date, you and others here did prompt me to go out last week and furthermore, to have a date that resulted in the happiest afternoon I have had in 3 years.

I would definitely have cancelled the 2nd date were it not for you- I had the text ready in my phone.

And I DO believe you (and Irma). We are just bitter because there are very few girls like you - so haven't had great experiences.

I guess what your husband did to you is pretty much what I did to my 4th gf- (only difference being I WAS inadequate to her- but I see its destructive).

I say keep trying with your current guy.

For all you know a previous woman has unintentionally or deliberatley wounded him about his size.

And he may never be able to tell you exactly what hapened to him.

You have a good starting point because, from you say, his size is normal- so FACTUALLY you can win the argument with him.

Seriously- maybe measure the damn thing with a ruler (only if you are sure he's at least medium) and then go and show him the wikipedia stats.

Or take him to a female doctor and get her to confirm his size is fine. Honestly Im sure that will see a change in him.

ps Have you got any female erotic literature around the house that may have upset him? Or any generously sized sex toys (if hes like me he will have checked). Or box sets of Hung or Sex and the City-? These things take their toll....

[Notdoneyet]

After years of rejection and only having negative experiences how can a male have any confidence with females? I have to compete againt other males who are far more conf indent and experience then I am. They know they can please a female they it did it in the past. The older we get teh worse it gets even if somehow we find a female who doesn't care about size there is still the question of experience. Based on studies I seen most females who are willing to settle for a male with a small penis who only do so if she is not his first

Not only do I have to find a female who is willing to overlook that I have a Small penis she also has to be willing to train me.

Perhaps your training will make you overlook your smaller unit. As said before, nothing chanced, nothing gained.

[Cece.dedesl]

Jessie, my husband did become inadequate because of how he perceived himself. We never had any issues until he became obsessed with his size and convinced himself I was not satisfied. I could never get through to him. That's years and years in past but this new relationship has brought up similar issues. It's made me reflect on the past a lot. Reliving a lot of feelings.

You may have a point about erotica and toys. I do have both, no dildos tho. In all honesty I haven't touched either in years. Maybe some spring house cleaning is in order.

If he ever talks to me again perhaps I'll get a some idea of how he's feeling and see if I have a shot at moving forward.

[Cece.dedesl]

NotDoneYet, even though I don't agree with your "me only" attitude towards sex. I do think you have great attitude. You've realized that you are in control on your happiness.

[Jessie]

He not talking to you?

So let me get this right...

Hes a guy with an at least medium penis (which guys here would sell their house and mother for)

and hes a guy with a girl who doesnt care a jot about size (kinda like winning the lottery)

and hes got the hump???

Tell him from me he needs a smack- but try to talk to him to persuade him.

ps he may well have read your books and noticed all the compulsory size references- but dont ask him- he will deny it.

but yeah get rid of them.

pps take him to a nude beach to see how well off he is compared to some guys- he needs tangible evidence- he really does sound like true SPS and its all in the mind- hope it works out...

[jk1972]

Perhaps your training will make you overlook your smaller unit. As said before, nothing chanced, nothing gained.

Of course that requires a female willing to do that and most wont, and the older you get the less likely it ever happen. The fact that I am 48 and so far no female has been willing is another strike against me. They got choices there are other males they can date and those guys don't need training

[Cece.dedesl]

It's complicated Jessie, he was diagnosed with SPS and penile dysmorphic disorder. His penis is fine but he thinks it's small, dis-formed and disgusting to women. His words, not mine.

I'm dealing with a mental disorder, not insecurities. Penile Dysmorphic Disorder is a form of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It's what causes people to have extensive plastic surgery, anorexia. Etc... People who suffer from this look in the mirror and see themselves as something they are not.

[Jessie]

Oh- I see, sounds very challenging. Must be awful (as I can attest to- whether there is a size issue or not the feelings of pain are still real)

Ok- I can see how the beach thing wouldn't work.

But what about measuring it?- he cant argue with a ruler surely? Could this bust his delusion?

Im probably being over simplistic but worth a try?

[Bundy]

I guess it's hard for me to believe that a penis can hold so much power. That it is only a penis that makes a man or destroys one. Sighs....

I think you have to understand something first, about out own perception as man in today's society.

I think nobody here thinks he can't have kids or find eventually someone who is right to him (I'm as pessimistic and misanthropic as a person can be, but just looking at the sheer size of people available in world, someone just has to be compatible with yourself) but it's not entirely about that.

Our penis and related fears are like a accumulation of all fears women have about their looks, size of breast, weight etc. Most modern guys also care about these other physical aspects, but all these things are completely pale in comparison once you're certain that you are the one of the unlucky guys in western society.

After all the humiliation and degradation that almost every small guy has to experience, your outlook on life just changes. I have been often told as a kid that respecting and caring for each other is one of the most important things for a group of humans to be able to form a successful society, empathy and sympathy and all that nice-sounding stuff, but once you have been outside of society, all that stuff just becomes meaningless. Our modern society has improved in certain aspects like racism, sexism and tolerance towards sexual minorities, but small guys never felt this benevolence coming their way. The moment your condition becomes known, you are nothing but a laughing stock, a goddamn living catchphrase. Ask a girl that is really genuinely ugly how life and people have treated them, the stories I heard are some of the most heart-breaking shit I heard in my entire life.

Summarizing all of this experience just leads to one conclusion, that our society is a disgusting and degenerate piece of shit, and you'll have to live in it, if you imagined yourself to have a somewhat decent life.

[Cece.dedesl]

Oh- I see, sounds very challenging. Must be awful (as I can attest to- whether there is a size issue or not the feelings of pain are still real)

Ok- I can see how the beach thing wouldn't work.

But what about measuring it?- he cant argue with a ruler surely? Could this bust his delusion?

Im probably being over simplistic but worth a try?

Can't measure something he won't let me see Jessie. He doesn't get naked around me, even during sex. Sex is always at night, under blankets. He'll let me touch but if he notices me looking he gets uncomfortable, changes positions or covers up completely.

Believe it or not, this is an improvement from when we first starting dating. I just thought he was really shy back then but I now know it's a much bigger problem since finding out about his diagnosis.

[Cece.dedesl]

Bundys, I can understand why you guys feel the way you do and how hard it is to go through life being different than the majority.

My issue is with men who have an accepting partner, a partner who is satisfied regardless of the size yet the man still is unable to accept himself, accept love.

They are so obsessed with their perceived flaws, even when they find someone they automatically assume that there is no way they can satisfy them. They set the relationship up to fail because in their mind the woman can't really be telling them truth, they can't really be satisfied.

Everything in the bedroom and out gets scrutinized. They look for even the slightest perceived confirmation that their partner is unhappy sexually. They run every conversation, every sexual act through their heads over and over dissecting it.

I hope that explains my remarks a tad better. They do not come from not understanding. They are more focused on the damage the obsession creates.

[Jessie]

Ceci,

OK- yes i see the difficulty- perhaps you could ask him to measure?

Its a risky ploy but if, from your feeling it, if you think he is at least 6L x 5W, you have a valuable piece of 'primary evidence' suggesting his adequacy.

For a guy to think he is bigger than most other guys on the planet (even if just 51%) is a tremendous esteem boost.

Remember you dont know what he has seen or heard for him to develop this delusion.

Hes maybe heard about how women lie about being satisfied so not to hurt guys feelings but how behind their backs they lament poor size/technique.

So his delusions and anxieties will, in some cases, be logical and justified. He may have had my experiences even but with a real size queen.

So you need to convince him he IS NOT THAT GUY that women ridicule- he simply doesnt have that problem. Other men do- but not him.

You also need to convince that you like his size- steer clear of saying it doesnt matter fall stop- I dont think any man will ever really believe that - focus on battles that you can win.

ps I really do think science and numbers may be the route out for him- subjectivity can go wrong but a ruler cannot lie.

Guys respond to the certainty and reliability of numbers.

You cannot measure attractiveness but you can measure height and peen size. Worth a try.

[lifeless existence]

My issue is with men who have an accepting partner, a partner who is satisfied regardless of the size yet the man still is unable to accept himself, accept love.

That's a very different situation from what most of us here are dealing with. We can't even find an accepting partner. I think that most of us would feel very different about ourselves if we found women who accept us. I don't think that we're all "poisoned" to the point that we can't accept love. We just want to feel like we're good enough for a woman and the only way that can ever happen is if a woman accepts us. It's not possible for us to feel adequate when all we experience is rejection.

[Jessie]

Tracie W(35)Member

Join Date Apr 2012 Posts 1,018

Originally Posted by

stephen s(26)

come now ladies...size doesnt matter!!..........

does it?

I think it does to a certain degree ,everyone i guess would be happy with maybe 6.5 inch -8ish

Really tiny ones like 4inch or 5 i wouldnt be happy with that it would be like throwing a sausage up Briggate lol

• Like
  

Katelyn T, chloetasha K, Natasha K(93) and 2 others like this.

Sigh.... saw this today on a female site I peep at from time to time.

I deliberately havent copied the worst posts :(

[Notdoneyet]

NotDoneYet, even though I don't agree with your "me only" attitude towards sex. I do think you have great attitude. You've realized that you are in control on your happiness.

It may not be your cup of tea, but it would surprise you how many women accept me as I am, warts and all. This includes my indifference when it comes to sexual compatibility. I make it a point to start toning things down after the third date and I'm pretty sure the gals I see are aware of my few good points as well as my many faults. I do try to make any parting amicable.

[gone]

Ceci,

OK- yes i see the difficulty- perhaps you could ask him to measure?

Its a risky ploy but if, from your feeling it, if you think he is at least 6L x 5W, you have a valuable piece of 'primary evidence' suggesting his adequacy.

For a guy to think he is bigger than most other guys on the planet (even if just 51%) is a tremendous esteem boost.

Remember you dont know what he has seen or heard for him to develop this delusion.

Hes maybe heard about how women lie about being satisfied so not to hurt guys feelings but how behind their backs they lament poor size/technique.

So his delusions and anxieties will, in some cases, be logical and justified. He may have had my experiences even but with a real size queen.

So you need to convince him he IS NOT THAT GUY that women ridicule- he simply doesnt have that problem. Other men do- but not him.

You also need to convince that you like his size- steer clear of saying it doesnt matter fall stop- I dont think any man will ever really believe that - focus on battles that you can win.

ps I really do think science and numbers may be the route out for him- subjectivity can go wrong but a ruler cannot lie.

Guys respond to the certainty and reliability of numbers.

You cannot measure attractiveness but you can measure height and peen size. Worth a try.

Jessie, I've been following this. I'm sorry it didn't work out, that's a kick in the head.

About your advise to Ceci about her boyfriend, I don't think it'd work out. You can't argue facts and figures to someone who's been diagnosed with this. Look at anorexics. You can measure them, you can stand them on a scales and they will still starve themselves to death. It doesn't get any more serious than that. They see what their brain tells them to see.

I think ya'll could measure him with a ruler right to his face and he'd see a tiny penis, not what the ruler is showing.

John

Edit: Gawd I'd kill for 6X5. What some see as empty, others see as full

[lifeless existence]

Tracie W(35)Member

Join Date Apr 2012 Posts 1,018

Originally Posted by

stephen s(26)

come now ladies...size doesnt matter!!..........

does it?

I think it does to a certain degree ,everyone i guess would be happy with maybe 6.5 inch -8ish

Really tiny ones like 4inch or 5 i wouldnt be happy with that it would be like throwing a sausage up Briggate lol

• Like
  

Katelyn T, chloetasha K, Natasha K(93) and 2 others like this.

Sigh.... saw this today on a female site I peep at from time to time.

I deliberately havent copied the worst posts :(

Wonderful. I knew I was small. I didn't know that women place me in the "really tiny" category.

I didn't see the thread where you found that comment, Jessie, but I did see a thread where the women were listing the biggest and smallest they've ever had. Multiple women there listed my size as the smallest they've ever had. One referred to a guy my size as being "hopeless".

[Jessie]

LE,

Shit LE, feeding my own agony, needent tip you into self- harm- let go of that bud.

I dont know what your other issues are but you are a long time dead. And there ARE women out there that will accept us.

As Ceci said you have to keep looking. Im gonna give it at least 3 full on attempts before a tactical withdrawal - but even then I'm not gonna commit suicide.

I know Im gonna have bad days but there will be some sweet ones too.

And that site I used did have women on it that didnt think much of their peers comments at all.

We are restricted to a smaller subset of women its true but the ones we match up with will be nicer and more understanding.

And if we don't- there is still a lot life has to offer.

[Jessie]

ps LE, how did you find the site I used?- I made sure there was nothing in the copied post to trace it back?

[Jessie]

retrojohn,

You may be right but some anorexics can be cured- they are not all fated to perish.

So Im hoping Ceci can find a way through this with him- and being told you are above average is powerful.

But I know there is no easy solution...

ps and I'd kill for 5 x 4.5

[lifeless existence]

Never mind.

[Jessie]

LE, everything you said I can relate too. 100%. I have been so low I wanted pack it in.

But guys worse off than you have partners and kids. Hell in some areas of the uk you need tatoos and unemployment to be considered normal!

And there are plenty of guys in those communities getting married or shacking up.

I think the 1st you need to do is get a job though- most decent girls are real strict about that.

It doesnt matter what the job is- just to have any form of income. or alternatively education.

As tattoos, laser them off or be proud of them... loads of girls mind them quirky or a turn on so Ive heard.

[lifeless existence]

Never mind.