Small Penis - One Man's Pain

[Cece.dedesl]

He sent me a text very late last night. He apologized for being unresponsive and wanted to make sure I wasn't upset. Not sure how to respond. I am upset and I don't want to brush my feelings under the rug to avoid causing him more anxiety.

I understand this is hard for him but it's also hard for me. My feelings haven't changed for him. I feel like I've been left out in the cold while he works through this on his own. That's not a relationship.

We were so close, now I feel like I'm with a stranger. It's amazing how quickly something that seemed so good and solid and can turn into a horrible mess.

[lifeless existence]

Of course this is hard for you. You're going through a lot right now too. Don't brush your feelings under the rug, that wouldn't be good for either of you. Let him know that you're upset. You know how to tell him in a way that's not threatening or blaming and there's no reason why he shouldn't be able to handle hearing it that way.

I feel like I've been left out in the cold while he works through this on his own.

I think you worded it perfectly here. Maybe this would be a good way to let him know what you're feeling. It's not super negative towards him and it shows him that you want to be his partner in this.

[Cece.dedesl]

I told him I was very upset at the situation, not at him but that he was hurting me by shutting me out. I may have gone a bit too far by venting some of my frustrations but during the venting I did highlight most of the positive aspects of our relationship. Basically, due to emotional and physical exhaustion I babbled, a LOT. (What girl doesn't, right?)

He's going to come over for dinner. He said he's worried about me. He truly is too sweet for words but I would rather he was coming over to work towards resolving this versus easing his guilt over my emotional state.

I truly feel I've said everything I can possibly say to him at this point. My actions have always mirrored my words. In a way, I don't want him to come over because I'm frustrated and feeling a bit angry today. On the other hand, I don't want to miss an opportunity to talk if he's willing.

Hopefully, I will get home early enough for a long bath and a glass of wine.....

^^^^^^^^^

Points out to Jessie... Sometimes a girl needs a little alcohol!

[Jessie]

Ceci- hope the next chat goes better- its good hes visiting again.

Both- set up date for meal followed by... of all things.. skating! ( her idea needless to say).

This will be thurs or fri - not sure yet. I will make up an excuse to leave early when I know the day for sure- and then hopefully allow her over to mine the time after that- if shes still interested.

[Cece.dedesl]

Sounds great Jessie!!! No penis talk this time, just enjoy the evening. She's obviously very interested. I don't think a follow up date will be a problem as long you keep things light. I can't wait to hear how it goes!!!

PS... If you bust your behind skating, I want to hear about that too!!!! Lol

[lifeless existence]

I would rather he was coming over to work towards resolving this versus easing his guilt over my emotional state.

Can you really be certain that the only reason he's coming over is to ease his guilt? Wait and see what happens. You may be right. Or you might be pleasantly surprised and discover that he wants to work on this some more tonight. I'm sure he does feel guilty, but it's only because he genuinely cares about you. He knows that his actions have hurt you and I bet it's really tearing him up inside. Please don't think that I'm defending him or taking sides, or minimizing your pain in this. I know that this situation is just as hard for you as it is for him.

In a way, I don't want him to come over because I'm frustrated and feeling a bit angry today. On the other hand, I don't want to miss an opportunity to talk if he's willing.

Hopefully, I will get home early enough for a long bath and a glass of wine.....

That's a really tough spot to be in. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I, too, hope you have a chance to relax before he comes over.

[lifeless existence]

Both- set up date for meal followed by... of all things.. skating! ( her idea needless to say).

Skating is a great idea. That will allow you both to be silly and keep it light and fun.

[Cece.dedesl]

I don't feel like you're taking sides or minimizing anything LE, my rational mind has said the same things. I'm just hurt and feeling emotional. I'm erecting my own kind of wall today by minimizing his response to nothing more than guilt on his part so I won't be hurt if it turns out to be nothing more than guilt. Trying to reduce my expectations so I'm not so damn disappointed if he doesn't talk to me tonight.

Is there a way to ask him to stay, just to reconnect without adding pressure? No sex or anything.

[Jessie]

Note to self:

No talking about politics, religion, kids and penises- right, got it!

[Jessie]

Ceci- Its lovely to hear someone say 'please sleep with me tonight"

Just tell him you miss him, want to be held, "we don't have to do anything sexy- I just want to be close to you"

Should do the trick I would have thought....

[Cece.dedesl]

I miss sleeping with him. *tears up* He'll be here soon. May as well ask, right? I'm just worried how it will make me feel if he says no.

Yes, you have it right! Light convo....

[lifeless existence]

Is there a way to ask him to stay, just to reconnect without adding pressure? No sex or anything.

Yes.

Just tell him you miss him, want to be held, "we don't have to do anything sexy- I just want to be close to you"

And there's your answer, Cece. I agree with Jessie 110%. Just tell him you want to be close to him tonight, no strings attached.

[Cece.dedesl]

Thanks LE, I'll ask. I just hope I'm not updating Summit, part 3 in an hour or two.

[lifeless existence]

I hope it goes really well. We're rooting for you.

[Cece.dedesl]

I feel like giving up. What does a woman have to do or say to make you guys realize we are happy, satisfied, and love you? I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall!

He's still here which is a plus (taking a shower). He came here straight from work. I haven't asked him to stay yet. Hoping the shower is his way of making himself at home again.

I feel totally helpless and out of control of my destiny. How can his mind completely erase a year and a half of happiness and just focus on the last month? It's like everything before now never existed in his mind. Like the relationship started from scratch when I found out all this stuff. I don't get it.

I hate penises!

[lifeless existence]

Take a deep breath, Cece. Him showering there is a good sign. He feels comfortable enough to take his clothes off and shower there, and even if he has the door locked, it's forward progress. I promise you that everything before now does exist in his mind. You can't just blink your eyes and forget a year and a half with someone. Believe me, I've tried. Maybe he just wants to start from scratch now that everything is on the table, a new beginning with nothing to hide. Would that be so bad in the long run? If it could be like old times again, only it will just take a while to get back to there, isn't it worth the wait?

[Cece.dedesl]

He went home.

[lifeless existence]

..........

[lifeless existence]

He went home. Not what I was hoping to read. Did he say anything?

[Cece.dedesl]

He said he had to create a proposal for one of his clients. He could have done it here. I saw his laptop in his car when I walked him out.

I think we've hit a wall. He asks me for reassurances, I give them, but he doesn't believe them.

He told me over and over his feelings for me haven't changed BUT he feels uncomfortable around me now. WTF?

He sent me a text earlier asking if i wanted to go to a movie tonight. I said no. I wouldn't want to make him feel "uncomfortable". Maybe, I'm being childish but it's his turn to feel abandoned.

[Jessie]

stick in there-

dont forget he has a had a profoundly embarrassing and humiliating secret exposed.

guys commit suicide over this issue- he's bound to be messed up about it.

he may think that you secretly despise him and that you think he tricked you into believing he was bigger by 'cheating' (surgery)

and don't forget you are undoing systematic conditioning he has had since he was 6 or so yrs old.

which is that to be small is disgusting, vile, taboo, ridiculous- beyond the pale.

The media and every woman he has ever known (bar you) will have perpetuated this notion.

You are only one woman- so yes you have to work hard to convince him and there will always be days when he feels insecure- but in his life you will the most important woman- person- so trust me- he values your respect and praise...

and in his mind you have now discovered that he used to be a 'small guy' that now has a artificially enlarged and lumpy dick.

this would stress any human- but if you love each other keep at it- especially as you used to have such great times together.

[Cece.dedesl]

I'm trying Jessie.....

I researched and studied his diagnoses, the surgery, i even met with a therapist a few times. I can accept his position on a logical level, accepting them on an emotional level is where I am struggling.

I just booked a mini vacation for the weekend. Maybe some distance and R&R will get me back on track. I'm to a point that I can't be rational anymore, running on pure emotion now.

[Jessie]

Oh I quite understand

If I were a woman I would probably stay away from guys like me because the emotional scarring over size puts so much pressure on a relationship.

but most people have some cross to bear and love and support can get you through that.

at the moment be content that you love him and are being honest when you say this to him.

RandR may be good but keep reassuring him- if you go silent he may think the worse.

ps maybe you could take a gamble and go for aggressive seduction (dunno?) - "kiss me now- finger me now- I want you etc etc"

only you know if this would be a disasterous approach or not...

[Cece.dedesl]

Okay, here's a list of his concerns and feeling. Maybe you guys can tell me what you would want to hear your partner say to reassure you.

1. He's afraid I'll tell people we know, my friends and family.

2. He's afraid I will see him differently now. He used words like sick, pathetic, weird.

3. He feels I will be disgusted by him sexually.

4. He's worried I will end our relationship.

5. He thinks I'll never be able to trust him again.

6. He's embarrassed and disgusted with himself.

[Cece.dedesl]

I won't go silent. I'll let him know I'm leaving, where I'll be. I always have my phone with me.

I'd love to seduce him but I don't think he's in a receptive place right now and quite frankly, I can't handle him rejecting me again. Maybe next week if my vacation works it's magic.