Self

[mts]

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[Resolute]

8 hours ago, mts said:

Well, besides the stuff I PM'd you about, work wasn't actually too bad today. Someone has been helping me, I told him about my problems, briefly, and we're meeting on monday. He's an older guy, he's very kind.

this is good.

 

8 hours ago, mts said:

Fortunately he talks a lot or else there would be no conversation. I just say "yea", "uh-huh", "yea".

lol.

[IrmaJean]

It's good that work went okay. You're challenging yourself and it feels uncomfortable, but maybe in time it will feel less so? I'm glad you have someone there with you who listens and is kind. 

Sometimes when I visit my dad (neither one of us are verbally very chatty) we'll be 2 feet away from one another and it gets quiet for a while so we'll just wave hello. And then we'll share a laugh. It can be very helpful at times to have someone who can lead the conversations with ease. I still have my umm, ahh, yeah moments verbally too. You aren't alone in that. I think it's great that you are proactively working on making positive change in your life. I hope you feel more comfortable at work and that group therapy goes well.

Take care, mts.

[LaLa]

Hello, mts, what's new? 

Have a nice weekend!  

[mts]

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[mts]

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[mts]

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[Resolute]

43 minutes ago, mts said:

I have around 12 to 15 surgeries scheduled on my dental parts (left). They won't allow me sedation.

wow, that many surgeries! why won't they allow sedation?

 

43 minutes ago, mts said:

I have almost done awkward text message negotiations with my aunt. Less negative thoughts occur when things better in this area.

i hope things work out.

 

28 minutes ago, mts said:

The other day, I stood on my waterproof ereader and it broke. But I found another for £10 in a second hand store.

This one doesn't have a backlight, but it has all these physical buttons. I like buttons. I hate touchscreens. These economic software driven devices.

I also found the same book I'd been reading on my old ereader. David Hume's enquiries, for £2.99, in perfect condition.

After smashing my last guitar, today I found another acoustic also for £10. It's not even bad.

you sure break a lot of stuff lol. i too like buttons and hate touchscreens etc. and hume? i think you can do much better than him.

[mts]

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[Resolute]

i don't think kant is too bad. if hume says anything meaningful in his book, let me know.

[mts]

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[LaLa]

2 hours ago, mts said:

Somehow having more social interactions makes me feel more alone when I'm alone. If that makes sense.

Could it mean you are more aware of what you've been missing? You do have "social interactions", but they aren't as fulfilling as you'd like, so you feel more alone, because now you can have a part of their advantages, but not all of them - and you miss those you see you're not getting. Well, perhaps I explained it, but does it somehow help you?  In any case; I hope and believe that those interactions are actually good for you, despite their "negative sides and consequences". (To be honest; I can relate to this quite a lot; I sometimes question the payoff/benefits of my social interactions - it would be easier without them, but... I have to remind / convince myself that I can't expect them to be "positive only" and I have to take the unpleasant stuff, too, I should even try to learn from it. Etc.)

Good luck with your work and with all those dental surgeries  !

[mts]

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[IrmaJean]

I think you expressed yourself very well here. I'm sorry you're feeling down. Does talking about your past feel like a need? Cognitive therapy could be helpful and offer you a place to express yourself and possibly change your thoughts.

I think anytime we are trying new things or attempting to create a change, there will likely be some discomfort. It may not seem like there is much to build on at first, but I think that each step is a proactive action that hopefully can become less challenging in time.

I'm thinking that you have much to offer and there are people who would like to see you, even if it doesn't feel that  way right now.

I hope you feel better, mts. Take care.

 

[mts]

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[mts]

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[LaLa]

9 hours ago, mts said:

Sorry if my last post came off rudely... I am not very socially self aware.

Unfortunately, I'm neither; I really don't know how my post made you think you had been rude!   I'm sorry I made that impression  .

I hope that despite this misunderstanding, my comment will be somehow helpful.

 

[Victimorthecrime]

I think I know what you mean mts. My whole adult life other people talk about the fun things they have done, places they have been, the friends and family they have and I have nothing to add to the conversation because I ain't got none of it. 

[mts]

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[LaLa]

31 minutes ago, mts said:

I have a problem with apologizing too much.

Me too! Really. In my everyday life, since my childhood. And what's more, my apologizing makes others around me apologize too much, too - that's an unintended consequence. I'm always very sceptical when people (psychologists, ...) recommend apologizing as a way to improve your relationships - in my case, it's the opposite; I'd need to "find out" how to behave so that I wouldn't feel the need to apologize every few minutes and also how not to feel somehow (more or less) "guilty" so often (so that I could not apologize).

[IrmaJean]

You shared something with me recently--a memory from your past-- in my blog. Were you able to connect with any positive feelings? I hope so. I think it's likely natural to have stronger recall of the negative stuff. If you feel a need to share, I hope someone there with you will listen. It's great to share positive and happy things with others, but difficult and painful things are a part of our experiences too. I think, in a respectful and trusting friendship, sharing the difficult stuff could actually make the friendship stronger. As far as new interactions with others go, it always helps me to start out by sharing about something I have knowledge in or have an interest or passion for. Maybe you might share about your kitty or a book you've been reading? Just some thoughts. I'm willing to bet that you, as well as Vic, have a lot to offer in conversation.

Take care, mts.

[mts]

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