What is dependent personality disorder? Dependent personality disorder (DPD) is one of a group of conditions called anxious personality disorders, which are marked by feelings of nervousness and fear. DPD also is marked by helplessness, submissiveness, a need to be taken care of and for constant reassurance, and an inability to make decisions. DPD is one of the most frequently diagnosed personality disorders. It appears to occur equally in men and women, and usually appears in early to middle ad
Feelings of fear and terror. My heart is racing. I find fault with everything. I worry about every little thing. The police are coming to get me...I bounced two checks, the money is direct deposit. They will get their money. they always do. but maybe this time, they are tired of it and will get a warrant for them. sure I could get the money to pay up, but that would mean asking, no demanding my brothers step in and help me take care of Mama .Also, I look for the gas to be shut-off, I know they w
Every time I find the words to go with all the emotions and feelings I have, I get ready to express myself and the words fly right out of my head................
Some days, I can joke, but it doesn't touch me. I get tired of making forlorn posts about myself; they don't help that much anyway. And I feel like I "should know better", and shouldn't need to, should know how to move on to the next step of starting to cope with it. Some days, I don't know better. I feel like going home and hiding, but on the other hand, I feel like going out and eating a ton just to feel better. Doesn't matter that I know neither one will help. Maybe I should try somethin
Shoulder to Shoulder You will Always be For as Far as our Eyes can see Over the summits of mountains made of solid stone We walk across boulders Shoulder to Shoulder Soul to Soul
I think I may have found what is going on with me lately. I think I am a bit dependent or needy. I think, to some extent, I have what buddy "Moore", called "Obsessive Love Disorder".... I am posting several link so I don't forget what I've looked at. Definition/Symtoms http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessive_love Hodgkinson believes several factors create a climate for obsessive love. * Leisure, because obsessive love almost always coincides with boredom >> well I don't have a freakin job,
I will update this list as I find new stuff... Physical style 5 1] Well built, athletic 5 2] Eats mostly healthfully 5 3] exercise regularly 5 4] good looking 5 5] cares about appearance 5 6] keeps clean 3 7] no addictions 4 8] dresses well 37/40=93 Emotional Style 2 1] very affectionate, likes touching, kissing, holding me 2 2] supportive of me and my dreams 3 3] Expresses feelings easily 3 4] makes romantic gestures 4 5] committed 4 6] faithful, devoted 3 7] sentimental about special occasions
I have so much time on my hands right now. Most of it is spent surfing the net. I look for answers and can't seem to find them. I am so broke that I can go to a therapist. Yesterday, I went to a concert with friends. It was somewhat fun, I mean considering I am all depressed. Then an ex-lover was insisting on telling me how sorry he was that he didn't called. Blablabla. To tell the truth, I didn't really care. I mean, I want him to be happy but I am not thinking about him like that at all. He k
So much pain, so many ways for it to come out! So little we can really do. Yet, when someone needs, who wouldn't answer? And afterwards, at least briefly, there seems to be some point to all this. Thank you all.
I cannot believe I have posted some of my deepest darkest secrets. these secrets I have held close for many years. I am going to leave them out there. it is how I feel and what I believe.
I always asked myself that question.... I take care of my Mama. She has four grown biological children that take NO part in her life. I know that if I was not here to take care of her, she would be in a nursing home. She is not long in this world and I will miss her, somehow, I feel like my life is waiting to start after she if gone. I love her. I will miss her when she is gone. Even with everything I do for her, I am scared I will feel like I have failed her and it will be my fault she died.
After posting about what I learned yesterday, I had a chance to speak to my brother on the phone this afternoon and describe it to him. He seemed to understand my concern about not sharing his religious views. So already, one test verifies that not everyone is like my wife was. I need to keep testing, keep treating people as individuals rather than potential pain sources. In fact, if I can keep that awareness, I might end up better off than I started, because that's how I often treated peopl
and I just can't do it on this blog, and a document sat minimized in my taskbar the entire weekend. Metaphorically, much longer than that. I never x'd the document out. It was still there in it's minimized form, and still with me even when I wasn't physically present. and it's Raw.
I am going to post in a blog instead of posting regularly. I seem to ramble and this is the best place to unload....maybe it will help. it certainly can't hurt....let's see....where to begin... 41 years old. adopted at 7 weeks, into a family of 4 boys. and a mother who lost a baby girl nine months to the day when they brought me home to still birth... I never connected. I was told very early of my adoption. The only memories I have of my early childhood are of me all alone. My adoptive mother fi
If you tap on the sensitive eyestalks of a snail, it will withdraw them reflexively to protect itself from pain. But if you keep doing it long enough, it gradually stops withdrawing. Now, one way to look at this is that the snail has become accustomed to being treated abusively; in other words, to see it as a maladaptation to cruelty. On the other hand, you can look at it as the snail deciding that even if life hurts, you can't hide; better to see it coming. I need to make sure that I keep
I couldn't help myself I adopted 2. His name is Johnny and he is 7 months old. I fell in love with his unique color I had seen once on a cat we were doing a lion cut on. Brown and white, but Johnny is solid Brown with very light colored stripes. He was just too gorgeous to leave. His eyes are green. Gussie is a sweetie, but she just cannot be still. When she is she is very face on with kisses and such. I can't get her until Apr 1st. She has to be spayed as part of the adoption agreement.
I'm like a song that people listen to. All they hear is the music, the rhythms of the instruments, and they never hear the words. I can't speak them, or I struggle to break through the loud lull of silencing sounds. They come to me in the light moments in my sleep, while I'm driving, or they flood with such clarity, and I forget them all. And I just listen to not conform because I've already heard. I listen to both, and there's so much more meaning that I can't ever. I did once. That's h
I'm gonna go see her today at the humane society. I saw her online and she had the cutest face. She's black and has long hair. I don't really like her name, but she might, so we will have to just see about that. Maybe it's just the spelling I need to change. And I don't want to see all those other animals, so maybe they can just bring her out for me to see. The thing is there are so many cute ones like Miss Madeline a white persian that is expecting babies with Demo who is a seal point Siam
Ignore the basketball reference; I'm short, and never developed an interest in the game, so don't ask me about March Madness. Unless you only see and hear things one-twelfth of the year. The morning court appearance, as expected, mostly resulted in new questions, but that too is a form of progress. I'm still under the preliminary protective order, which we continued for another month. But at the end of that time, it will be dropped, as if it never happened. That's because ... she's moving ou
Really, not much to say. Just waiting for the postponed hearing on the protective order, which is Thursday. Not that I expect many final answers; in fact, probably more questions. At least then, I'll know what they are. Time to "seize the stick", as I read somewhere on here (a post by kaudio) today. Trick is, not to use it to bludgeon myself with, just to keep the other person from doing it.
That only I can answer. If I can even ask them. How is it all through my life I took care of and/or loved the people who hurt/damaged me, but yet when I am hurt/pained there never is no one who can offer the same to me when I so need it the most? But yet I can always love? Be there? Even through the rage? Why? Is it because of the intense pain/suffering I not only saw deep in the pleading eyes of animals that were abused, tortured, and killed, but I also heard and still hear the awful sounds of
Franklin, There's nothing to fear, but fear itself could be taken out of context in the throes of a thinking depressive/anxiety/CPTSD riddled brain, which is thinking from an "old" brain, so I will try to think from a "new" brain as you did on your "new" day and make "new" deals myself. Somehow. Flow.
