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Blog Blossom

stupid life.

i don't know what to do anymore:( i hate college. HATE it. whenever i sit down in college and try to work i just can't. i don't want to be there. i can't stick it! i'm not even good at art anymore. i clearly shouldn't be there. but there's nothing i can do about it because i have no choice. i hate my life. i have no control over it. i don't want to be alive anymore. it's never going to get better so what's the point? and nothing i do will ever be good enough because i'm stupid. everything's stu
Blossom

Blossom

274
Blog OCDmom

Practising for night shift

It's 1:30 AM here. I just woke up. Thought I'd practice staying up for a few hours. I'll be reporting for training soon. It's 10 PM to 7 AM for the entire week, and then another schedule I guess. (I'm yawning as I write this.) My little girl seems to be getting used to her mommy not being around in the morning. NOW her daddy is gonna have to explain why Mommy won't be sleeping with them at night for one week. A typhoon just hit us last Friday, cancelling our training for that day. Four of
OCDmom

OCDmom

1
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Donna

a hypocrite

im not sure whether i am or not, i posted a response in the ED forum. everything i said is true, but ive been thinking about it on and off throughout the day, because everything i suggested i actually go against! im not sure whether posting was a good idea! i mean why listen to me when i dont follow my own advice if im not following it doesnt that make it worthless, or maybe because i am doing and going through those very same things it does have some sense to it because i do know what im saying
Donna

Donna

2
Blog tourdelove

Taking yourself out of the equation.

Recently someone said something that stuck with me like a mantra. In my world, and maybe yours too, where a lot of the times self-consciousness has prevented me from either responding quickly to a situation, or going for a goal I know would have made me happy to have accomplished, the practice of "taking myself out of the equation" would have come in handy. I struggle a lot with this because I am not entirely convinced that my true self is a safe thing to show the world. There's several factor t
tourdelove

tourdelove

0
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Donna

a bit higher

im not feeling as low atm and havnt s/harmed for a few days which is a good thing but it is also a bad thing, im on day 5 of my fast which always makes me feel much better even gives me a bit of a high. but i know it wont last forever im only going to do a week it will come crashing back down which i am not looking forward to. it's a bit of a vicious circle really, up one minute down the next but it's got to be better than down one minute and ever downer the next i guess :confused: i did kind of
Donna

Donna

1
Blog ManyFaces

More Random Bable

It started out a simple thing An urge to release the pressure within First with knives and bits of glass then with drugs and alcohol but alas, it would not do and so I burnt myself to be free from you walking though life with your head in the clouds driven by childish desire chained down by reality dissilisioned and tired the life of a new yorker Standing in front of my peers, surrounded by parents and educaters, we had the poetry slam teachers asked for someone to go first, I was volunteered by
ManyFaces

ManyFaces

0
My Kind of Normal

So Much For "Daily"

Heh, well, so much for "daily" ... Friday was a bear. A bunch of work that I hadn't finished (and wasn't telling anybody) caught up to me, and I ended up getting angry with my supervisor, though not at him, really. I just can't feel motivated when I'm this under-utilized. Have I contributed to that? I guess; I don't go hunt for work, that's true. Work just adds another dimension to my confused and depressed state, at the moment. Just not sure which direction makes any sense. I know what I
malign

malign

5
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Blog OCDmom

Second week of training

It's almost five in the morning. My little girl and I are spending the week over at my parents. I need to take care of some pre-employment requirements so I need my parents to babysit. Still a bit drowsy as I write this. And to think I have to wake up an hour earlier tomorrow for training! Last week's training was from 7 AM to 4 PM. This week it's going to be from 6 AM to 3 PM. No big deal, I'll just sleep an hour earlier, right? :confused: But I'm worried about my daughter. Will she be ok
OCDmom

OCDmom

1
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Blog OCDmom

First week of training

I am now officially a trainee in one of the many many call centers here in our country. We live very far from my workplace, so I have to wake up VERY early in the morning just so I can be on time for work. And after work I have to leave right away so that I won't get stuck in traffic and arrive home so late. IT IS VERY TIRING.
OCDmom

OCDmom

4
Blog tourdelove

Where the wild things are

hi folks I am writing a lil update on the life within. Well, on the outside, life has been pretty good to me recently. I have been working. 2 part time jobs where it's been happy. just enough challanges to keep me happy and learning and content. I haven't done too many f^ ups that I feel good about what I have accomplished. I have been offered new jobs where I have been able to say "well, here is where I am at... if it works for you" and people have been responding well. You know, in all these
tourdelove

tourdelove

0
My Kind of Normal

Daily

Yep, "daily" means it's time for another one ... Not feeling that great, today. Headache, fighting off a panic attack just now. I see another day gone with nothing to show except lots of words devoted to my friends. I don't begrudge them; it's just that there is so much else that I'm choosing not to do. Of course it would be worse if I didn't even have the friends. I just can't seem to move on anything else. Hey, this is what you get when you put me under deadline pressure, I'm sorry. :-)
malign

malign

5
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My Kind of Normal

Revivals

Well, I'm trying to resume the habit of posting one of these a day, and I seem to be simultaneously reviving the habit of waiting for the last minute, and just slapping something togther. :-) I am making an effort to break that pattern that I mentioned yesterday. I'm trying to do at least one of my backlogged things per day, so that I don't minimize myself out of existence. Let's see how it goes.
malign

malign

2
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