Well, after my attempted hike on Saturday, that had to be downgraded to a considerably shorter, less rigorous hike, I have decided to put myself on a more realistic schedule, that includes a half hour of exercise per day. I'll be getting up at 6 and getting out of the house at a reasonable time, on top of the exercise. Hopefully, this schedule will help with the depression, too, a bit. I'm too young (not to mention muscle-bound) to be old. :-)
i'm scared. i can't get rid of this feeling. i don't want to feel anymore. i want to die. i don't know what to do. why won't i just disappear? it won't work:mad: i'm so scared. i don't want to be on my own but i have to.
So, right after the year on-site, there's another anniversary to "celebrate": my mother died a year ago today. What struck me most, going through the day, was just how far my life has come in the intervening year. Last year, I had to sneak over to see her the day she died. No one from my family could contact me to tell me that she had passed for two days, and then they had to come to the house because they didn't think it would be okay to phone. Last year, I spent the next two work days in be
I'm in the middle of the week of taking supervised calls. I wish I could say I was doing alright. Yesterday was especially bad. I flunked my quizzes (I got 73, 53 and 11 over a 100 percent) I didn't do well on my calls either. The first customer got angry with me because I wasn't able to explain what happened to her bill. I ended up handing over the call to my supervisor. Fortunately she calmed down after that. As for me, I started to dread the next calls. Fortunately for me, I guess, the
So today..where do i start? ah yes there's the little incident about my mum being assaulted at work..i want to kill the fcking btch :mad: ..ooops my nice language again then there's the little matter of my sons g/f and my grandson about to lose there home! They're going to come live with me, which in fairytale land is lovely..i get to see my grandson everyday help out etc but in reality is actually not quite that lovely! what will really happen is i will become a 24/7 nanny,have extra cleaning
I honestly dont get it, all my life there has been something going on..never a dull moment lol i really cant recall having a single patch in my life that hasnt just rode along without some kind of incident, i could write a book about it one of the popular true story type ones, it would be a best seller! its a pity i cant write lol, Tory hayden would have nothing on me! And it's never anything good always the miserable morbid 'bad' stuff. im not feeling sorry for myself or whinging im just amazed
im having a bit of a hyper time, i was really low earlier mostly cos of that bloody letter ..still cant get it out of my head! but could tell i was going to get like this cos i was really jittery,paranoid and anxious, the anitdepressants the Dr gave me are the same as before and same crappy side effects, nausea shaking dry mouth etc etc but maybe they'll help this time? last time i was on these ones i tried topping myself 12 times lol ..maybe he's trying to tell me something :eek: 12 times and
April 06 War of the Flesh vs. The Victorious One The struggle within me is for light or for dark, I want the pleasures of this world but I dare not miss the mark. I've experienced the best of both worlds, indulging in sin out of my hurts; all the while being drawn into His presence with hope un-deferred. As much as I pant like a deer after water for my God, my flesh pants for pleasure. Which way do I go...? Can't see the trail but I hear the sound. He's calling me! Who will end the struggle
I cant get that fat comment out of my head, im not as angry as i was but i still dont understand why . i guess he took a dislike to me but i didnt do anything wrong im sure i didnt. and im sure they're supposed to use words like overweight not fat. im being pathetic and whingy but its really got to me, truth hurts and all that i suppose. i have an appt at the Drs tomorrow so im gong to bring it up which will be extremely embarrasing and he is not going to weigh me im not playing there stupid ga
thought id be ok this weekend kids are here my grandsons coming ...i just got a letter from the p/nurse saying im fat! i am fcking angry i cant believe he is allowed to say things like that even if it is true. now i have to try stay calm and not do anything dumb cos the kids and my grandson will be here..how the hell am i sposed to get through the day now without them noticing anything. i might be fat but he weighed at least 90lbs more than me..he was twice my fckin size..bastard bastard bastard
Well, I will have been a member of this site for a year, on Saturday. It's been a year of growth, especially. Of tears, and fears, and deep talks and laughs. A year of friendship and love, pain and gratitude. I'm not the same person I was when I came here. I was hopeless then, full of suicidal fantasies if not intent. Thanks to whatever powers that be, and thanks to all of you, I heard what I was trying to tell myself. And thanks to all of you, on a daily basis, I find myself learning new r
We had our second assessment last Monday. I passed, thank goodness. I was really worried I was going to get a second memo after that. Along with our classes we have role playing with the regular call agents. This is to prepare us for the next step which is taking actual calls for an hour or so. Not enough, though. We're going to take our first calls next week, and I've barely even memorized all the basic information on the account. And on top of that, we have to be aware of the updates th
keep having stupid thoughts i cant get rid of them..especially at night which being an insomniac doesnt help. i keep getting all these memories in my head, old things things that dont matter but they wont leave me alone. Im not upset scared or anything but it is driving me nuts and i cant think straight, everything just gets jumbled up. my memory is really bad again and confusion is kicking back in, which is also weird cos ive eaten something more or less everyday...thats the only thing that is
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Well, it's 6 in the morning here. Last night was my night off, so I was able to be with my family. Amazingly, I slept the whole night with them. Now I'm worried I won't be able to sleep in the afternoon before my shift starts. Then I'll be narcoleptic during training. Gotta tire myself out so I can sleep on schedule again. Maybe Mama is right. No matter what I do with my body, there's no stopping it from longing to sleep at night. Fighting it (like what call center agents here do) is not n
i'm out of energy i think. i had lots of energy earlier. i think it's because i've started taking vitamins. i feel really frustrated right now. i want to give up. i'm tired and i don't really want to try anymore. maybe i'm just being lazy. i dunno. i am not a good person. i know that. and i'm sorry for that. i don't mean to make anyone feel bad. i don't mean to be so annoying all the time. i know i spend way too much time here complaining in my blog and i'm sorry because i don't mean to be so at
today started out bad. i felt really really sad but then i went to therapy and it made me feel better. the therapy lady spoke more today instead of staring at me and saying nothing like the last time. i think i'm glad i started therapy. my next appointment is monday. i'm a little sad now but that's only because i'm sooooooooo tired. i wish i didn't have to go home tomorrow.
It's bonfire night here in the UK and tbh i dont think it means much more to most of us than having fun with fireworks n stuff. but you know what? im sat here crying really hurting and feeling sh!t because i dont have my kids with me..they're with their dad holding sparklers, watching all the fireworks, eating pie and peas, toffee apples, parkin etc and they should be with ME! and it hurts so fcking much..i cant describe how much. and all because of this cr@p, how pathetic is that! does being th
I hear the lost souls calling out Begging me to come play To run amongst them once again To leave this place behind No more restless nights, no more horrible fights Just the streets, and the lost souls to accompany me on my journey to oblivion
We were told by our trainer that we are experiencing info overload by now. The trainees---all 9 of us---had to keep ourselves from dozing off. One even dozed off while he was standing. It's our second week on night shift. Two more weeks of this before we get another schedule. My feet and legs itch like crazy. Joe says the cause is Vitamin B deficiency. It feels worse than when I had allergies. Gonna get some zzzz's in awhile. Wish I can do it right away, but I'm afraid of ruining my sleep
i took a break from my fast after 7 days as i was getting the dizzies usually i can go 2 weeks b4 that kicks in but thats age i guess ate some soup and 2 mints over the w/end and gained over a lb back..so now im back to feeling low again fat and well just pretty worthless. i know its just water but still..i was sooo close to hitting my first target. my mum made a comment about my weight, she doesnt nag me anymore and never tries to push food on me thank god but making comments doesnt help, but
Last night was my first night of training. We had our first assessment/exam for product training. I failed it. And I was given a memo---a memo, would you believe? It says "first offense in productivity". But I was told not to worry, that it was just my first test, and that I can still make up for it in future tests. Sure. I need to lie down.
