Got the letter from my Therapist Miss Jennifer today. The letter does away with me having to pay a deposit. Now I'm almost completely free to choose whatever animal that I want for a pet, still going to be a Ferret.
My daughter is in grade 11 and is a wonderful girl. She was nominated to receive the Lt. Governor's medal at school. She was in competition with two other girls for the medal. These other two girls are wonderful people that deserve the medal as well. In fact, all through school my daughter and these two other girls have been the top three in their grade. The decision was made yesterday after school and my daughter did not win the medal. One of the other girls did. I am terribly upset. Don
Starting to think most of my depression is due to low self esteem. It would explain my behavior pretty well. It's true too. I dislike myself. I remind myself too much my of parents, with whom I didn't get along in the slightest. I settle for mediocrity when I can least afford to. I think the cause of my low self esteem is a lack of self discipline. I don't do the things I know I should and then I end up regretting it. However instead of changing my behavior I beat myself up, as if that would so
I am sitting here on the couch in between my two huge fluffy beasts. I am talking about my cats and when I say huge I am talking 15 pounds each. They are laying down stretched out on either side of me. It is funny yet comforting and lovely how they do that. They only do it during the day when I am home alone with them. I don't know if they just love me so much they need to be close to me or if they feel protective of me. I lean towards loving me because how protective can they be when the
Had the entire maintenance crew working in my Apartment yesterday. They put new linoleum down and repaired the carpet. Took them roughly 8 hours and they even helped me move my entertainment center and futon. Apartment feels a bit different now.
Noisy thoughts, multiple trains of thought at the same time, some thoughts automatic, others just trying to make too many decisions at once. Some are fragmented, broken shards of a message from myself when I am clear headed. Can't quite remember. Reading helps, so does music. Read a lot today. Feels like I'm going crazy. Nope, already there. Want to start smoking again. What is it about schizophrenics and smoking? Maybe they know something I don't. Slow suicide... am I dying already? Well, we a
My leg is covered in fresh cuts, some very deep, some quite long. I have eaten nothing all day apart from pizza when I got home, but I purged it. I've been doing that for a while, I'm not really sure why, it just keeps me in control and helps me lose weight, which is always a plus in todays society, you can never be too thin. I don't care for the dangers because I don't care much for life, I've been thinking of it as a means of sort of passive suicide, though i know it won't last to reach that p
Hmmm, what should I write about today? I had a very good appointment with my psychologist today. We talked a lot about the ego. I had a pretty rough childhood with a lot of trauma. I will not go into that because I believe everyone is entitled to their own privacy. I do not want to divulge the private information of anyone else without their ok. Anyways, I have denied all my life that the kind of childhood I had had any impact on who I am today. It is just recently that I have realized and
Should be relatively easy. Gotta get a Computer though. I'd need those puppets that are controlled by strings which can be found on E-Bay. The rest of the items I have in my Apartment.
How many people have asked that question? I have asked it from the time I learned I had depression. I pray that it is not because I do not want my children to develop it. I did some research on the internet and wrote a blog on this subject matter. I discovered that genetics do play a part in depression but there are many other factors that play a role too. Go to my blog to learn about all the other factors and to learn whether depression is genetic or not. stigmabegone.blogspot.com Please fee
It astounds me how powerful words in the English language can be. Just one little word has helped me reached a point of clarity and self-realization. In a past blog "With or Against" I wrote about my struggle between fighting and conquering my Depression, or working with the limitations my Depression put on me. I have been thinking about that blog and the comments that were left. One comment had the word "superstar" in it. That one little word brought clarity to me and my dilemma "With or Aga
I have a huge repulsion for exercise. I do not like the loss of breath, the sore muscles, and I hate to sweat! I hate exercise but I know it helps with Depression. My doctors have even told me to exercise but I can't bring myself to do it. By exercising I would be better able to deal with my Depression and I really want that, yet I can't do it. I want to be healthy, fit, beautiful, and successful, yet I continue to put off exercising. Why? Why can't I just make myself exercise? This is so
One of the pedophiles in my neck of the woods was recently sentenced to 8 years for Incest. Daniel Nolan previously did 9 years for Child Molestation when he lived in Lagrange Co. He was living in his Van in the Wal-Mart parking lot for a while. I should've sadistically beat that c***sucker senseless when I had the chance. During Daniel's sentencing, he said he didn't have morals, nor did he see anything wrong with what he was doing. He gave the girl he victimized money telling her that it will
My big question of the day - do I accept my Depression and work with the limitations it causes me, or do I continue to fight the Depression and strive to conquer it? By continuing to fight the Depression and conquer it I feel I may actually be aiding it. I set very high expectations for myself and I feel as though I am continuously failing to meet them. When I was a young woman just learning about Depression I was feisty and invincible. My future was not decided, the road was clear for me to
I've done plenty of bad things growing up. Would you believe that I turned out okay? Here's a list:eek: 1. I boobie-trapped the yard countless times but quit after I became a victim of one of my traps. 2. I'd scrub the toilet bowl with "family" member's tooth brushes and not sterilize them afterwards. 3. I took a s*** in the neighbor's driveway a few times. 4. Wiped my rearend with the lunch meat in the fridge. 5. I made "Bee Grenades" by collecting Bees and Wasps in small glass jars to chuck at
If humans are social creatures what happens to the ones that don't have any group to be a part of? I never felt like I fit in, no matter how many groups I experimented with. I don't fit in with the straights cause I'm gay, but can't fit in with the gays because I'm too quiet. I get that a lot. And people are always scared of the quiet ones since there must be something wrong with you if you don't feel the need to jabber incessantly. No, seriously it makes people uncomfortable and I know this so
I'd much rather maintain my general state numbness and indifference for most of the time, because I find that it makes the depression much less intense than when you find yourself happy for a few days, because the closer you are to the bottom of the dark hole, the less distance you have to fall, which makes for a much safer (yet no less awful if you arrive safely) landing.
Today being Easter, I am in a thankful frame of mind. There is so much in this world to be thankful for and most of it we take for granted. That is what I wrote about in my blog. We need to try to be thankful and positive as much as we can. In this word that can be tough, but there really is a lot of wonderful beauty out there. stigmabegone.blogspot.ca (There is Always Something to be Happy About archives - April 8, 2012)
Sleep is all I want today. My eyelids are getting heavier as I type. Yes, I did sleep last night but it feels like I did not get a very good nights sleep because I am still tired. In fact, it feels like I am always tired. Today, in my blog, I wrote about the link between sleep and Depression. www.stigmabegone.blogspot.ca
I'm FINISHED giving people the benefit of doubt. I DID think the twins at the Carwash had some integrity but NOT NO MORE. After what their buddy Tomboy #1 did on 03/30/12, I'm completely convinced that he didn't feel bad about snapping at me for no reason like the twins claimed. When I told the twins that I caught them in a lie, they got their panties in a ruffle like they were on the rag.
Jealousy, the great green-eyed monster. One of my many companions that accompany me through life. This is what my blog was about today. To learn a little bit about jealousy and depression and how to overcome it visit my blog at stigmabegone.blogspot.ca (the blog is called Jealousy in Depression and in the archives it is the date April 6,2012)
